Tag Archives: Porn Parody

Chyna Is Queen of The Ring

The premise of the movie seems to be that Chyna’s biggest fantasy has come true: Vince brought her back. Except she still hates him. She still hates Stephanie. And instead of wrestling, she has to have sex with the wrestlers.

Still, she’s returned. And despite giving in on what would seem like key issues, working for people she hates and having to have sex, somehow Chyna is the one with all the power and control. Exactly the sort of mish-moshed insanity you would expect from Chyna trying to book her own perfect world.

Chyna, by the way, has tattoos on her arm and back now. Not sure if that’s new. She was painted green in her last movie.

The fun begins as Vince (the roided up Lee Stone with his hair greyed) and Stephanie (Lisa Ann) approach Chyna in the locker room. Chyna, who has had 10+ years to come up with something to say if she ever saw either of them again, and who surely had some sort of porn scriptwriter helping with this, rambles about how Stephanie ruined her career, how she could beat both Vince and Stephanie up, and other various insults she seems to think are scorchers that fall completely flat. She seems to be ad-libbing while trying to follow a general narrative and the result creates much sadness and fail.

Just to give an example of the amazing dialogue, Vince says he knows Chyna is still peeved, and Chyna says peeved isn’t how she would put it. So what word would she use, Stephanie inquires. “I would use… pissed!”

Chyna Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chyna

Incidentally, are Vince and Stephanie supposed to be offended by this? Chyna clearly hates Stephanie, yet while the wrestlers in the movie are portrayed as ridiculous caricatures, Stephanie is played by one of the hottest and most popular pornstars going. Boom, roasted? And forget the porn, Vince would probably masturbate just to the knowledge that a jacked up freak like Lee Stone is playing him.

Anyway. They set up the premise of Chyna having to fuck guys and how Vince is booking her to “win”. A victory apparently happens when Chyna gets a guy off. There’s a line somewhere in here about Steve Austin and The Rock wanting to fuck each other, so it seems they’re still on Chyna’s shitlist for having the nerve to make more money than her.

Then Vince talks about a match with two mystery opponents. Whoever they are, Chyna isn’t allowed to beat one of them. The guy Vince won’t let her beat doesn’t wrestle a lot anymore and has to be allowed to look good. I assumed it was a shot at Triple H, who has surprisingly gone unmentioned so far, but the preview showed a scene with Hogan and Flair. Oookay.

But Chyna objects to this, saying that if she can’t “beat” the mystery guy, it denies her of an orgasm of her own. So what to do? Well, for Chyna, it obviously means having sex with Vince and Stephanie. She demands this and, powerless against her demands, Vince and Stephanie meekly accept.

Chyna caps off her demand in the saddest way possible: “I’ve got two words for you… GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SUCK IT!” Oh, dear god. How do you screw that one up?

So Chyna stands there while Vince goes down on her and Stephanie plays with her boobs. After a few minutes of oral, Vince gets up, opens his pants, and Chyna doesn’t hesitate to start blowing him. This is more than a little strange. Chyna clearly made the point of establishing that she doesn’t like them and that she’s in control. There are also several “in-character” remarks during the scene, so they didn’t drop the narrative*. But she doesn’t “demand” to blow Vince or to have him fuck her. It’s like she just gives in.

(My favorite bit of dialogue is Stephanie asking Chyna if it feels good to fuck Vince after all the times Vince fucked her. The latter “fucked” meaning “screwed over”, of course. Chyna responds by… saying the exact same thing as if she just thought of it.)

Basically, the whole thing comes off like Chyna finally submitting to her long-held desire to fuck Vince and Stephanie. This seems especially true as Vince bends her over and starts doing her doggie style as Chyna alternates between kissing Stephanie and eating her out. Why is she doing this? She hates Stephanie. Why is she going down on her? At one point, Lisa Ann, who probably couldn’t care less about the whole control/revenge narrative Chyna tried to create, starts ordering Chyna to lick her pussy and get her off.

By the way, it probably goes without saying, but there is no interaction between Vince and Stephanie, thus preventing the somewhat fun possibility that Vince McMahon could own Vivid by tomorrow morning. Or whenever he stopped jacking off to the incest portion.

They repeat the same theme — Vince fucking Chyna while she and Stephanie exchange oral favors — in multiple positions. A threesome where two of the participants don’t touch tends to get old pretty fast, and this one is no exception. After 20 minutes of a scene that should have been half that long, it mercifully concludes with a pop on Chyna’s tits.

Part Two

Time for the gangbang. First, we meet Gene Oakerfunk (Tommy Pistol), a parody of Mean Gene Okerlund, who promotes the lineup for tonight’s big “FuckleMania” show. After openly referring to Vince and Stephanie McMahon by name, it escapes me why they had to use a goofy parody name for Mean Gene.

We meet the ring announcer, Valerie Kay, who is playing herself. She announces Bret “the Hitman” Hart, hesitating as she says his name as she’s clearly never heard of him or anyone else involved. Out comes… I think Justin Magnum, but looking nothing like Bret Hart. If anything, he looks more like John Morrison, a wrestler of today’s generation.

Mean Gene does commentary. He shits on Bret by saying it took him seven years to write an autobiography, which was a four page pop-up book. “Once he wrestled, then he didn’t, then he did. The end”.

Out next is the Iron Sheik (Marco Banderas), who poses and flexes. Gene calls him loud, obnoxious, and stupid.

Valerie announces “the man in the shorts, John Cena” (TJ Cummings). He wears camo and does the “U Can’t See Me” hand wave, making this easily the most realistic portrayal so far.

The Rock (Sledge Hammer) is out next, raising an eyebrow but doing little else that resembles The Rock. He’s followed by Steve Austin (Cyrus King), who Gene notes is skinnier than the last time he wrestled.

Out with no introduction is a clown (Ralph Long) who is supposed to be Doink according to Vivid’s press release. But they never call him that. Gene even says he doesn’t know who the clown is.

The last entrant is Triple H (Anthony Hardwood), with Gene reacting like he’s a surprise entry. Gene mentions that he’s Chyna’s ex, but nothing negative is said about him. After Bret and the Sheik, Gene’s insults pretty much disappeared.

Finally, Chyna appears while Gene raves about how hot she is. She gets in the ring, grinds on each guy in the most unappealing manner possible, then vamps for the camera. Gene is calling the clown Homie.

The guys all surround Chyna — actually, no, Triple H isn’t there. He wasn’t part of the grinding either. The guys start pulling Chyna’s clothes off and push her to her knees.

It starts off with a blowbang of sorts. If you like watching one blowjob while five guys stand around desperately trying to stay hard, this is the scene for you. Unfortunately, there’s no longer any commentary. Triple H finally reappears while Chyna is blowing the clown.

There’s several minutes of throat-fucking and tit-squeezing. Triple H grabs her head and fucks her face. So does the Sheik. The commentary is sorely missed. As it is, there’s nothing to hear but gagging, the sound of guys walking around the ring in a big empty room, and Chyna occasionally mumbling something while she has a dick in her mouth.

They pull her up to her feet. The Sheik fucks her from behind while she leans forward and blows Austin. She seems unsteady and the guys have to keep her from falling over. They abandon the standing experiment and she gets back on her knees to blow Cena. To keep from falling asleep, the rest of the crew eventually surrounds her and she quickly goes from dick to dick.

The clown lays flat on the mat and Chyna blows him while Bret fucks her. The clown swaps out with Cena, who swaps out with the Shiek. Chyna mumbles about being nasty like Janet Jackson. The guy fucking her, still Bret I think, has enough and pops on her face. Yes, it’s Bret, as the other wrestlers mock him for being the first to go. A cutaway to Gene at ringside confirms Bret has been “eliminated”.

If Chyna “defeats” a guy by getting him to cum, shouldn’t the guys try not to? Shouldn’t they fight it, like when a guy tries to reach the bottom ring rope to escape the figure four leglock? Then they could act like no matter how hard the guys fought not to cum, Chyna was just too good and made them shoot their loads. Hence, she wins. Right? This apparently escaped everyone on set.

After an edit, there’s a chair in the ring for Chyna to kneel on. Much as the first scene followed the same pattern over and over, it seems all we’re getting here is Chyna blowing someone while getting fucked from behind. At the moment we have Austin up front and Triple H behind. Just as I type that, they swap out for the clown and Cena.

After several minutes, they finally mix it up. Chyna rides reverse cowgirl on whoever is sitting in the chair, and she leans to the side to keep blowing guys. In some weird editing, it looks as though Cena stood her up and tried getting her leg over his shoulder, but she’s just not capable of standing. So she sits back down and rides reverse cowgirl some more, this time with Rock sitting on the chair underneath her. But after another quick edit, the chair vanishes.

Rock’s still on the bottom and most of the guys stand around slapping their dicks on her. “Now that’s a gangbang!” Gene declares in another cutaway. Chyna rides regular cowgirl for a while, then back to reverse. Suddenly, Mean Gene enters the ring and shoves his dick in her mouth. A run-in!

After about a minute of Gene fucking her face, they cut to Chyna lying on her side as the Sheik fucks her. Gene is nowhere to be seen. They briefly cut back to him at ringside as he gives a line about the Sheik drilling for oil. Then the Sheik gets up and Gene runs back in and starts fucking her. Chyna eventually slaps him and he disappears again.

Chyna lays flat on her back and the guys take turns fucking her while she mumbles incoherently. They cut back to Gene, who says Rock is more interested in Austin’s ass than he is in Chyna. So that’s two forced-in shots at The Rock and Steve Austin.

Meanwhile, not a single bad thing has been said about Triple H. And Lisa Ann is playing his wife. This movie just surpassed The Chaperone on his favorites list.

There’s also a Gene cutaway where he jokes that Rock can’t keep his dick hard, which he clearly can’t. What a weird thing to put in the movie. It’s like a wrestler performing his signature move and the announcer saying “Ah, that doesn’t really hurt”. They’re actually calling attention to how uninterested the guys are in Chyna.

In the middle of Rock and Triple H working on Chyna, a Gene cutaway tells us that Austin is just about done. Which is odd since he wasn’t anywhere near her. But sure enough they cut back to a shot of Austin popping on Chyna’s tits. The editing is just terrible.

Now it’s back to Rock fucking her, and the Sheik walks over and cums on her face. Three men down. Rock pulls out and does likewise. “The cooking is done,” Gene declares. With Rock still standing there, the clown runs in from off-screen and pops on her face.

We’re down to Cena and Triple H! You can cut the excitement with a knife! I’ve never understood that saying.

They immediately cut to Cena’s cumshot. Gene salutes him. Triple H follows suit by popping on her face as Gene reminds us that he’s her former lover. So Triple H was the last man standing. This is officially his favorite movie. Wait, here’s Gene, who gets in the ring and cums on her face too. So everyone’s eliminated and Chyna “wins”. They edit in a shot of all the guys laying on the mat as Chyna jumps around in celebration.

A painfully long 30 minutes of the most boring gangbang you’ll ever see.

Chyna Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chyna

Part Three

This Porn DVD scene has it all, Gene sends us backstage where Captain Lou Albano (Ron Jeremy) is making out with Valerie the ring announcer. Other than being fat, there’s no attempt at making Jeremy look like the Captain. Not a single rubber band is taped to his face.

He lowers the top of her dress, kisses her breasts, then lays her back on a table and goes down on her. After a minute or two, she rolls over to her stomach and he fingers her before trying to enter her from behind. But it seems like he can’t get hard, so he abandons trying to fuck her and goes back to eating her out. What a sad display this is. It’s like watching Ric Flair still trying to wrestle.

Valerie says she has to go, but that she has a friend for him. Ron refuses to admit defeat, however, and makes another attempt at fucking her. This one has more success. Valerie repeats that she has a friend for him, but probably realizing that he’ll go soft by the time someone else comes in, Ron flips her on her back and keeps fucking her.

It suddenly cuts back to the arena where Hulk Hogan (Evan Stone) is making his entrance. Mean Gene is orgasmic. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, PEOPLE? THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!” Evan Stone, who played Hulk previously in the Hogan Knows Best parody, does a great impression.

Next out is Ric Flair (Alex Sanders). Gene squeals with glee. Without all the posing and shirt-tearing, Flair’s entrance is much shorter. They both end up in the ring, slowly running around and bouncing off the ropes as Gene wonders where Chyna is.

Back to Ron. Chyna has appeared out of thin air with her face between Valerie’s legs. Ron takes his dick back out of his pants so Chyna can suck it. Valerie hops off the table and tries to escape, but Ron grabs her and pulls her in for a kiss. After a brief tongue-tangle, she finally manages to get away.

Ron has unbuttoned his shirt and his hideous belly button is now visible. It looks like a woman giving birth to a mass of tumors. Run for your life, Valerie.

Ron kneels down to make out with Chyna and frantically strokes his dick the entire time to try getting hard. So sad. When he’s finally ready, he stands back up so Chyna can resume blowing him. She makes like she’s deepthroating him, but she’s only getting about half of it since Ron’s holding the base of his dick. He leans down and fingers her, then has to start stroking again.

After an obvious edit, Ron appears to be fully hard while Chyna’s sucking him. He lays her back on the table, fingers her for a bit, and then starts fucking her. But once again he has to stop, kissing her while feverishly jerking himself. Why even put this scene in the movie? I know everyone has their kink, but is there really anyone alive who’s getting off on seeing Chyna and a fat, half-flaccid old man having sex?

He finally starts fucking her again. They stay in the same position, with Chyna on her back. Then in the highlight of the movie to this point, Ron starts his countdown and tells Chyna to start counting back from 20. Please enjoy the following transcript.

Chyna: Twenty… nineteen… ohhh! (Mumbles)teen?

Ron (like he’s correcting her): Eighteen.

Chyna: …twelve?

Ron: Seventeen!

There aren’t words. Chyna eventually remembers how to count and Ron pulls out at one to cum on her pussy. She drops down and sucks him, staring into the camera as she does. I haven’t mentioned it to this point, but Chyna stares into the camera rather frequently. It’s like she thinks she has to mug and make sexy faces at all times. It looks completely unnatural. I know she’s still new to this, but it just doesn’t work.

Chyna Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chyna

Part Four

Back out to the arena, where Gene says Hogan and Flair have been running the ropes for ten minutes. Flair’s tights are halfway down to make his ass crack visible. Possibly the most realistic aspect of the movie yet.

Chyna comes out and as I believe they say in wrestling, she appears to be “in no condition to perform”. Have you seen the video of a fucked-up Scott “Razor Ramon” Hall being led to the ring? This feels similar.

Right on cue, she rolls under the bottom rope, then just keeps rolling over and over until she falls out the other side of the ring. Stone and Sanders stand there dumbfounded. Then Sanders gives a Flair “woooo”. Gold.

Here’s Gene on Chyna’s rolling.

Gene: What is this move? Very curious. Cut to two dicks in her mouth.

Sure enough, Chyna’s suddenly on her knees in the ring, blowing both guys. Gene does commentary this time, talking in a low golf announcer voice. After a few minutes of oral, they try to stand her up. But while she was merely unsteady during the gangbang, she’s now practically dead weight.

They finally get her feet flat on the mat, but her head is still pointed straight down like she’s touching her toes. Evan repeatedly tells her to stop sucking his cock as they try to get her into a simple “bent over” position. They’re successful and Sanders fucks her from behind as Evan slides his dick in and out of her mouth. She’s too messed up to blow him.

Evan stands her up mostly straight and starts kissing her. Sanders pulls out and gives a look like he’d rather be anywhere else. This isn’t a porn scene, it’s two guys trying their best to keep a train from going off the rails. Incidentally, the commentary from Gene stopped at some point along the way.

Chyna sinks back down to her knees, forcing Evan to drag her back up. He has to tell her to bend over. He’s coaching her like a wrestler calling out moves in the ring. In wrestling, Evan would be celebrated for being a great worker.

Chyna slumps back into the toe-touching position again as Sanders fucks her, so Evan has to lift her back into being bent-over. He just rubs his dick back and forth against her mouth, then holds it inside her mouth while she does nothing.

After an edit they finally have Chyna on her back while Sanders fucks her and Evan fucks her mouth. This way she doesn’t have to do anything but lay there. Evan starts getting back into character and then pins her arms down, saying “Lemme tell ya something, Chyna!” Chyna mumbles about having a conversation and then says “You never loved me”. I don’t know what that means, but at least she’s able to speak. That’s good to know.

They switch so that Evan is fucking her and Sanders is by her mouth. Evan drops some more Hulkster style verbiage and Flair woooos.

After an edit, Evan is now fucking her in the ass while she continues to lay on her back. He goes very slowly and Sanders stops altogether for a while as she gets used to it. Then they get going again. Evan fingers her pussy while he fucks her. After a few minutes, they switch again and now Flair’s doing the anal. It’s just the same thing dragging on and on, two guys fucking a girl who’s only capable of laying still.

Another edit and they’ve actually gotten Chyna up onto her knees. Hulk’s doing the anal again. After some close-ups of Chyna staring into the camera, and some close-ups of the anal, the guys switch again. Chyna starts blowing Evan and Sanders doesn’t even bother trying to fuck her.

Edit #3825. Chyna’s on her side and Hulk goes in her ass again. After a few minutes, she eventually ends up on her back once more. It’s just an endless loop of the same thing, one guy in her ass while the other sort-of gets a blowjob. They do a close-up of Chyna’s face with her head in Sanders’ lap and he’s not the slightest bit hard.

Stone starts giving her the anal harder. She’s clearly not used to it and does a lot of Lamaze style breathing. After that brief interlude, he’s back in her pussy. But he doesn’t stay for long and starts alternating back and forth between holes. Sanders isn’t even in the ring anymore.

After a few minutes of Evan going from hole to hole, Sanders suddenly hurries over and pops on Chyna’s face. They do a close-up of his face as he woooos like Flair. Then they show him laying on the mat like the guys after the gangbang.

Chyna tells Hulk to fuck her ass and that she’s going to cum. Then she declares that she’s cumming. If you say so.

Hulk’s still going from hole to hole. Then just as I suggested earlier, he starts saying Chyna can’t make him cum. Well, technically, she’s not. She’s just laying there. But… oh no… the Hulkster can’t hold it and he pops on her face.

After an extended shot of Chyna’s sticky face, they show a dark shot of her holding a championship belt while a strobe light flashes. I guess she wins. Chyna IS the queen of the ring!

Brought to you by Vivid the maker of Porn Parody DVDs.

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America’s Favorite Commercials Gone Porn

Give Otto Bauer a lot of credit, he came up with some current, hip and funny advertisements to run through the XXX parody machine. He also put together a good looking cast to make sure that the sex is good even if you don’t like the humor. I do, so it’s all good. The movie opens with busty beauty Chloe Reece Ryder as “Ho” the insurance girl. Her look and patter are dead on. Her scene is very hot thanks to her cute face and awesome rack. She stays in character which adds a little fun. Jazy Berlin and Daisy Cruz fuck Dale DaBone who plays the Most Interesting Man in the World. Great commercial, funny set up and a rather forgettable scene. It isn’t bad, but it was a better idea than a scene. Taylor Wane plays the Whorebitz Gum girl with annoying perfect and gets her “dirty mouth” fucked raw. Lizz Tayler looks really hot taking on Billy Glide’s big cock. I really like Lizz. She has a cute face, a hot body and great sexual energy. Otto saves the best for last though, keeping Nicole Aniston for himself. The set up is funny on that one, but all that matters is how hot Nicole looks naked with a dick in her. This is a fun movie with a hot cast. The commercial parodies are good, sometimes very good. The chicks are hot, especially Nicole, Lizz and Chloe and everything is just good enough for me to recommend this adult movie.

Chloe Reece Ryder Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chloe Reece Ryder
Chloe Reece Ryder & Mark Wood

When Mark Wood strolls into “Aggressive Insurance” he finds “Ho” organizing her boxes of discounts. She is all done up in white and giggling like the bubbly actress in the commercial. I’m not sure how discounts equate directly to boobs, but they somehow make it work. Chloe whips out her giant tits and starts stroking Mark’s wood. Even without any fantasy appeal, she would be fun to watch. Throw in just a little bit of cute play and you have a winner. She gives really good head and the hanging boob shots are pretty awesome. They continue when he bends her over and starts fucking her hard from behind. The harder Mark fucks Chloe the more she repeats her tag line “that’s a discount.” Boob lovers will want to stick around for the reverse cowgirl because she bounces so hard that the tits are literally flopping all over the place. During some nicely shot face fucking her bright red lipstick gets all over his cock. That’s got a nice bit of appeal to it. I love the shots of her spread out and on her back. They finish with a big shot all over her face the “Ho” licks up perfectly.

Jazy Berlin Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Jazy Berlin
Jazy Berlin, Daisy Cruz & Dale DaBone

Dale plays the Most Interesting Man in the World, tells to stay horn and then enjoys a nice three way with two willing sluts, Jazy Berlin and Daisy Cruz. Not much of a set up, but it’s cute enough to make you smile. Dale as an old man is kind of funny, but mostly the scene works when he gets out of the way and lets the girls have fun. They hook up for a pretty hot double BJ that overcomes whatever he’s mumbling in the background. Jazy really takes control of the blowjob and offers up some pretty hot talk as she gets fucked from behind. When Daisy finally gets her turn, she puts a leg up on Dale’s shoulder and moans round his dick like she’s in love. Hazy gets back in the driver’s seat and works her shaved pussy in reverse cowgirl while her friend fingers away. The girls share a nice big load at the end.

Taylor Wane Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Taylor Wane
Taylor Wane & Jenner

When cheeky pitchwoman Taylor Wane goes a little too far singing the praises of Whorbitz Gum, Jenner tries to set her straight. She bounces and talks like a drone, informing that the best way to shut her up is to put a dick in her mouth for sexual fulfillment. Taylor is funny and pulls out her big tits to show him the way. We get some hot lesbian kissing in the background as he bends over, swats her ass and tests her pussy for juiciness. She does a great job on her knees sucking that cock. Her big lips slide up and down and get gags as he fucks her throat. Great oral here before he puts her up on the table, rubs the head of his cock on her pussy and then slams his way home. Moving her into doggy he slams hard into pussy and tries his best to turn her slit into chewed bubble gum. He finishes by shooting his load all over her mouth. Taylor adds the tag line to make it fun.

Lizz Tayler Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Lizz Tayler
Lizz Tayler & Billy Glide

Cute little Lizz Tayler is excited to see the three dollar foot schlong camera in the sub store. She sings the song to the point that you may want to ram pencils into your ears to make it stop. Billy puts his big cock on a bun and Lizz stops singing so she can start sucking. She looks really cute in tight shorts and a little yellow tan kop. Sucking right there on the table, she rams it to the back of her throat and shows off her skills. Billy puts her on the table, strips her naked and eats her pussy. Lizz shows good energy and prepares to take that massive dick in her tiny little hole. He pushes it in while she holds her cheeks open for the camera. The doggy shots are really good. Lizz has a nice ass and great legs to add eye candy to the proceedings. That sets us up nicely for some reverse cowgirl. How she takes that whole foot schlong is anyone’s guess. It is nice to see her suck him clean between every position. She finishes him off in her mouth, milking that cock of every drop he’s got to offer her. I’d pay three bucks for head like that.

Nicole Aniston Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Nicole Aniston
Nicole Aniston & Otto Bauer

Otto is the lead singer of a quirky band that mugs for the camera while shilling for FreeCreditWhore.com Like magic he gets a new whore (Nicole Aniston) and everything is great. The pretty blonde drops right to her knees and knows exactly what to do to make him happy. Great looking head here as she tickles his balls. I guess Otto hand picked this girl and it’s nice to be the director in cases like this. Nicole licks his balls, strokes his cock and drools like a perfect slut. Nicole has hot legs, a great ass and a killer smile. We get to enjoy all of these as she throws her legs in the air and gets slammed on the table. When she bends over, Nicole holds her ass open, but is not about to give up that hole. Instead she sucks him clean and then moves on top for a final round of cowgirl. Nicole drops to the floor and takes a big facial just like the special hottie she is. Otto has a good cast here, but he saved the best for last.

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An American Werewolf in London XXX

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981) is widely recognized as a classic. No film before it (and few since) have so deftly struck a balance of comedy, tragedy, and horror. In addition the special effect transformation where our young protagonist “becomes” the wolf is generally accepted by most critics (myself included) to be the best old-school “transformation sequence” of all time.  This original film holds its own against decades of other lycanthrope films released after it, including its lesser sequel AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS (1997). Of course there simply must be a porno parody of a classic horror movie like this and likely it is someone like Jim Powers (director of Halloween XXX) who would create it. Let us look at AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON XXX and see for ourselves whether or not the “beast with two backs” belongs in everyone’s favorite classic werewolf movie.

Brett Rossi Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Brett Rossi

One thing is for certain, this parody film has a healthy respect for the original work. Every memorable scene, (even the fantastic dream sequence involving Nazi werewolves) is replicated here and properly sexualized for being included. Also, the fact it was actually filmed in London starring actual English porn stars (Lexi Ward and Sophie Dee) is an immediate testament to its production values.  The story follows in the paw prints of its non-porn predecessor; a young man named David Kessler is backpacking across England with his best friend, Jack Goodman.  The two stop a local pub and Davis finds himself immersed in tales of the Werewolf from the aged, curmudgeonly proprietor as Jack is in the store room “losing himself” in the barkeep’s comely daughter. They are quickly run out of the bar, and they are attacked on the moor.  David is severely wounded, while Jack is killed. It seems that David is now a werewolf who must engage his mad blood lust whenever there is a full moon….also he also has a permanent erection.  Thankfully David’s former best friend returns to his bedside (in the form of a rapidly decaying corpse) to explain the rules of the game to him, and to constantly encourage him to kill himself (and thus freeing he and all future victims from limbo). There is also a plot line involving a David’s sexual relationship with a buxom nurse named Alex Price, which, of course, in this film takes things to a whole new level of “graphic” (needless to say, the original’s shower sequence between the two characters is much “dirtier” now). All in all, it is a faithful adaption of the original film’s sexual element and therefore an above average parody that fans of the original should check this out if they enjoy such fare.

Sophie Dee Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Sophie Dee

My only problems with this film is that some of the simple-but-expected nuances failed to live up to the original film in ways that seemed overlooked. For one,  “The Slaughtered Lamb” pub featured in the original film is to horror films what the bar in “Cheers” is to sitcoms, and by that I mean an iconic, necessary part of the film. The tavern in this film (aside from a spot-on replica of the Lamb pub sign (in magic marker) was essentially yet another modern, brightly lit, generic porno room that didn’t even have a working beer tap in it.  Also while I fully admit that while most of the gore special effects were easily on par with a modern B movie of today, in the end the “werewolf suit” used in this film by the film’s only true “monster” looked a like a cross between a high school football team mascot and a play suit from the meanest Furry in the world. Perhaps it is too much to hope that a porn parody could be as visually  stimulating as the original film from thirty years ago, yet, considering this adult parody film featured an actual chase scene in a modern English subway tunnel, I simply can’t believe that we couldn’t get a more accurate portrayal of the pub or titular beast when so much effort was put into making every other facet of this film look as close to the original (even as it incorporated a few expected porno strokes all its own). As for the sex scenes, they were glossy, shot on digital, and were never an (unwelcome) distraction to the original story but actually served as an extension of it. As the original film had a surreal, playful quality to it, the scenes where everyone has actual sex didn’t seem as jarring as they often do in parodies inspired from more “serious” horror movies.

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Axel Braun’s Cinderella XXX

Axel Braun takes us once again into the world of fairy tales. This isn’t a Disney version though. In fact, this one teaches a number of things that Walt’s classic tale didn’t. I’ll outline those as we go. Samantha Saint plays Cinderella and is beautiful as always. We get to see her get busy twice and both scenes are worth watching. Her scene with her step sisters is one of the hottest lesbian romps I have seen in a long time. The finale with Prince Charming is also mighty fine. Veronica Avluv plays the wicked stepmother to absolute perfection. Her opening sex scene sets the bar very high. Carter Cruise and Penny Pax play Cinderella’s wicked stepsisters. They are plenty bitchy and always horny. After working over Cinderella, they share a big cock in a fantastic double blowjob. Julia Ann makes her way into the movie as well. As the fairy godmother, she pops in, waves her magic wand and then takes a wand herself. Hot scene with Tyler Knight for this living legend. The script is good and well acted by the whole cast. It is nicely shot and surprisingly hot sexually. The sex scenes stand up really well making it a very complete flick. It is fun, funny and hot, exactly what we would hope for.

Veronica Avluv Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Veronica Avluv
Veronica Avluv & Evan Stone

Ever wonder how Cinderella came to live in a house ruled by her stepmother? This opening scene clears that up a bit. The King (Evan Stone) runs through a list of grievances he has for his bitchy wife. She spreads her legs and reminds him why he can’t resist her. He licks her pussy and she turns into a very hot talker right away. She looks really good busting out of her bustier with her legs kicking as his tongue makes her hips buck wildly. She turns over and sticks her ass in his face. After riding his face for a good long while, she takes his cock out and licks the head while twisting her hands on the shaft. This is probably why Veronica gets away with being so evil. What man in his right mind is going to be able to resist head this good? (Things the Disney version doesn’t tell us: Lesson One. The King can’t resist great head no matter how evil the bitch is.). Mounting up, Veronica rides really hard. She is great at the dirty talk and looks beautiful as she slams her hips down on him. They roll into spoon where his long cock has her squirting all over her fingers in no time. Evan keeps jabbing his cock into her pussy even as it gushes. He rolls her back onto her side and sticks it right up her ass. This is a really hot opening scene and has the bar set quite high already. She finally helps him explode using her hands and her mouth. Too bad it doesn’t end well for the King. (Things the Disney version doesn’t tell us: Lesson Two.)

Carter Cruise Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Carter Cruise
Samantha Saint, Carter Cruise & Penny Pax

The evil stepsisters (Penny Pax and Carter Cruise) convince Cinderella that she needs some experience if she wants to land a prince. They each grab a boob and start licking, sending the pretty blonde into fits of pure sexual euphoria. Having discovered something special in their leggy step sibling, the girls eat her pussy and ass until she is ready to crawl right out of her skin. This is a very fun scene with Samantha at the center of the action. She is super hot so the eye candy is fantastic. They make her hold a try of potatoes while they finger her meaty pussy and spank her ass. I don’t know if she learned anything about pleasing a man, but her slit gets a through work over. (Things the Disney version doesn’t teach us Lesson Two: Clit piercing and pussy shaving were as common as implants in this world.) I like both Carter and Penny so this is a hot scene all around.

Julia Ann Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Julia Ann
Julia Ann & Tyler Knight

Gus (Tyler Knight) takes Cinderella to see the Fairy Godmother (Julia Ann). She asks for a dress, a carriage and a whole lot o magic. In exchange for the magic, she demands something from Gus. Three guesses what it is. If you guessed a big hard cock, you guessed correctly. Julia Ann looks amazing as always and quickly gets to work sucking that dick. Her blowjob is fantastic of course and then she kicks back with her legs spread wide to give him a taste of her sweet goodness. Great leg shots here. Once they both get good and wet, he slips in from behind. (Things the Disney version doesn’t teach us: Lesson three Apparently a Fairy Godmother can turn a pumpkin into a carriage, but even she isn’t immune to STDs or unwanted pregnancies.) They get into doggy where he bags her hard enough to make the tits sway every time their hips collide. He decorates her boobs with a stream of sticky goo, paying Cinderella’s debt in full.

Penny Pax Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Penny Pax
Carter Cruise, Penny Pax & Will Powers

After the ball, the King’s guard (Will Powers) brigs the glass slipper around to see who it fits. The stepsisters are more than happy to share his cock if he will just put in a good word for them. These girls are great cock sucker and true whores which they probably learned from their mother. (Things the Disney version doesn’t teach us Lesson four: This family was the inspiration for all things Kardashian) Fantastic two girl blowjob here. They keep their mouths close together, working the cock and balls together like a perfect cock oral sex machine. He paints their pretty faces with a really nice load. Great little scene here with Carter getting her tongue coated in man chowder.

Samantha Saint Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Samantha Saint
Samantha Saint & Seth Gamble

This is a fairy tale, so there has to be a happy ending. The Prince finally gets his dream girl and she proves that she has more than enough skill to please his cock. Samantha looks fantastic on her knees choking on cock. She warms up the head and then rams it to the back of her throat until she is good and messy. Great blowjob, especially as part of the final scene. He spreads her legs for a very short round of pussy licking before sticking his cock into her and going to town. Samantha rubs her clit, throws he head back and loves every stroke. They fuck, moan and kiss like this is the best fuck of their lives. He flips her over and has at it from the back. She spins around at the end, opening her mouth wide to catch the load he fires are her pretty face. Samantha sucks out the last few drops and licks up the rest from her fingers.

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Official Taxi Cab Confessions Porn Parady

Xvideo proudly has in stock the Official Taxi Cab Confessions Porn Movie made by Third Degree Films.  Third Degree Films is still one of the most successful porn studios of this decade after so many production companies have ceased to exist.  The film is based on the award-winning documentary style series produced by HBO starting in January of 1995.

The basic premise of the show Taxi Cab Confessions is when passengers enter the cab, they are recorded with several small cameras hidden in the taxi. The producer prompts passengers into discussing their past or present circumstances. This leads participants to reflect on their life, recalling extreme tragedies or triumphs of their sexual experiences.

Third degree’s tongue in cheek Official Taxi Cab Confessions porn parody has been highly successful and feedback from viewers has been a big thumbs up.  Available now with fast shipping and discreet packaging from Australia’s favourite adult online shop Xvideo.

Porn Parody DVDs
Porn DVD: Official Taxi Cab Confessions

Below you can read more about Third Degree Films:

courtesy & Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_Degree_Films

The company was founded in 2002 by Joey Wilson. In 2006, the company filed a lawsuit against AdultsAllowed.com, seeking more than $15 million in damages for copyright infringement. In 2006 the company started included a bonus Spanish language track on all its DVDs, in an attempt to tap into the increasingly important Spanish speaking demographic in the US and Latin America. In 2007, the company signed a deal with Hustler TV to provide its content on the channel in North and South America. In 2008, ZT brought a lawsuit against DVD rental site Movixo Inc., alleging DVD piracy. The case was settled out of court for $15 million. In 2009 the Film The Cougar Club directed by Miles Long won an AVN Award for Best MILF Release setting the bar for films of that genre. In 2012, Nylons 8, directed by Miles Long won an AVN Award for Best Foot Fetish/Leg Release.

Some of the awards collected include:

  • 2013 XBIZ Award nomination for All-Sex Release of the Year for Legal Ass
  • 2013 XBIZ Award nomination for Vignette Release of the Year for Office Politics
  • 2012 AVN Award for Best Foot Fetish/Leg Release for Nylons 8
  • 2010 AVN Award for Best Solo Release for All Alone 4
  • 2009 AVN Award for Best MILF Release for The Cougar Club
  • 2012 AVN Award nomination for Best All Girl Release for Girlfriends 3
  • 2012 AVN Award nomination for Best Director Non-Feature for Nylons 8
  • 2012 AVN Award nomination for Best MILF Release for The Cougar Club 3
  • 2012 AVN Award nomination for Best All-Girl Group Sex Scene for Girlfriends 3
  • 2012 AVN Award nomination for Best Foot Fetish/Leg Release Young Thighs In Knee Highs