Chyna Is Queen of The Ring

Chyna Porn Actress Photo

The premise of the movie seems to be that Chyna’s biggest fantasy has come true: Vince brought her back. Except she still hates him. She still hates Stephanie. And instead of wrestling, she has to have sex with the wrestlers.

Still, she’s returned. And despite giving in on what would seem like key issues, working for people she hates and having to have sex, somehow Chyna is the one with all the power and control. Exactly the sort of mish-moshed insanity you would expect from Chyna trying to book her own perfect world.

Chyna, by the way, has tattoos on her arm and back now. Not sure if that’s new. She was painted green in her last movie.

The fun begins as Vince (the roided up Lee Stone with his hair greyed) and Stephanie (Lisa Ann) approach Chyna in the locker room. Chyna, who has had 10+ years to come up with something to say if she ever saw either of them again, and who surely had some sort of porn scriptwriter helping with this, rambles about how Stephanie ruined her career, how she could beat both Vince and Stephanie up, and other various insults she seems to think are scorchers that fall completely flat. She seems to be ad-libbing while trying to follow a general narrative and the result creates much sadness and fail.

Just to give an example of the amazing dialogue, Vince says he knows Chyna is still peeved, and Chyna says peeved isn’t how she would put it. So what word would she use, Stephanie inquires. “I would use… pissed!”

Chyna Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chyna

Incidentally, are Vince and Stephanie supposed to be offended by this? Chyna clearly hates Stephanie, yet while the wrestlers in the movie are portrayed as ridiculous caricatures, Stephanie is played by one of the hottest and most popular pornstars going. Boom, roasted? And forget the porn, Vince would probably masturbate just to the knowledge that a jacked up freak like Lee Stone is playing him.

Anyway. They set up the premise of Chyna having to fuck guys and how Vince is booking her to “win”. A victory apparently happens when Chyna gets a guy off. There’s a line somewhere in here about Steve Austin and The Rock wanting to fuck each other, so it seems they’re still on Chyna’s shitlist for having the nerve to make more money than her.

Then Vince talks about a match with two mystery opponents. Whoever they are, Chyna isn’t allowed to beat one of them. The guy Vince won’t let her beat doesn’t wrestle a lot anymore and has to be allowed to look good. I assumed it was a shot at Triple H, who has surprisingly gone unmentioned so far, but the preview showed a scene with Hogan and Flair. Oookay.

But Chyna objects to this, saying that if she can’t “beat” the mystery guy, it denies her of an orgasm of her own. So what to do? Well, for Chyna, it obviously means having sex with Vince and Stephanie. She demands this and, powerless against her demands, Vince and Stephanie meekly accept.

Chyna caps off her demand in the saddest way possible: “I’ve got two words for you… GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SUCK IT!” Oh, dear god. How do you screw that one up?

So Chyna stands there while Vince goes down on her and Stephanie plays with her boobs. After a few minutes of oral, Vince gets up, opens his pants, and Chyna doesn’t hesitate to start blowing him. This is more than a little strange. Chyna clearly made the point of establishing that she doesn’t like them and that she’s in control. There are also several “in-character” remarks during the scene, so they didn’t drop the narrative*. But she doesn’t “demand” to blow Vince or to have him fuck her. It’s like she just gives in.

(My favorite bit of dialogue is Stephanie asking Chyna if it feels good to fuck Vince after all the times Vince fucked her. The latter “fucked” meaning “screwed over”, of course. Chyna responds by… saying the exact same thing as if she just thought of it.)

Basically, the whole thing comes off like Chyna finally submitting to her long-held desire to fuck Vince and Stephanie. This seems especially true as Vince bends her over and starts doing her doggie style as Chyna alternates between kissing Stephanie and eating her out. Why is she doing this? She hates Stephanie. Why is she going down on her? At one point, Lisa Ann, who probably couldn’t care less about the whole control/revenge narrative Chyna tried to create, starts ordering Chyna to lick her pussy and get her off.

By the way, it probably goes without saying, but there is no interaction between Vince and Stephanie, thus preventing the somewhat fun possibility that Vince McMahon could own Vivid by tomorrow morning. Or whenever he stopped jacking off to the incest portion.

They repeat the same theme — Vince fucking Chyna while she and Stephanie exchange oral favors — in multiple positions. A threesome where two of the participants don’t touch tends to get old pretty fast, and this one is no exception. After 20 minutes of a scene that should have been half that long, it mercifully concludes with a pop on Chyna’s tits.

Part Two

Time for the gangbang. First, we meet Gene Oakerfunk (Tommy Pistol), a parody of Mean Gene Okerlund, who promotes the lineup for tonight’s big “FuckleMania” show. After openly referring to Vince and Stephanie McMahon by name, it escapes me why they had to use a goofy parody name for Mean Gene.

We meet the ring announcer, Valerie Kay, who is playing herself. She announces Bret “the Hitman” Hart, hesitating as she says his name as she’s clearly never heard of him or anyone else involved. Out comes… I think Justin Magnum, but looking nothing like Bret Hart. If anything, he looks more like John Morrison, a wrestler of today’s generation.

Mean Gene does commentary. He shits on Bret by saying it took him seven years to write an autobiography, which was a four page pop-up book. “Once he wrestled, then he didn’t, then he did. The end”.

Out next is the Iron Sheik (Marco Banderas), who poses and flexes. Gene calls him loud, obnoxious, and stupid.

Valerie announces “the man in the shorts, John Cena” (TJ Cummings). He wears camo and does the “U Can’t See Me” hand wave, making this easily the most realistic portrayal so far.

The Rock (Sledge Hammer) is out next, raising an eyebrow but doing little else that resembles The Rock. He’s followed by Steve Austin (Cyrus King), who Gene notes is skinnier than the last time he wrestled.

Out with no introduction is a clown (Ralph Long) who is supposed to be Doink according to Vivid’s press release. But they never call him that. Gene even says he doesn’t know who the clown is.

The last entrant is Triple H (Anthony Hardwood), with Gene reacting like he’s a surprise entry. Gene mentions that he’s Chyna’s ex, but nothing negative is said about him. After Bret and the Sheik, Gene’s insults pretty much disappeared.

Finally, Chyna appears while Gene raves about how hot she is. She gets in the ring, grinds on each guy in the most unappealing manner possible, then vamps for the camera. Gene is calling the clown Homie.

The guys all surround Chyna — actually, no, Triple H isn’t there. He wasn’t part of the grinding either. The guys start pulling Chyna’s clothes off and push her to her knees.

It starts off with a blowbang of sorts. If you like watching one blowjob while five guys stand around desperately trying to stay hard, this is the scene for you. Unfortunately, there’s no longer any commentary. Triple H finally reappears while Chyna is blowing the clown.

There’s several minutes of throat-fucking and tit-squeezing. Triple H grabs her head and fucks her face. So does the Sheik. The commentary is sorely missed. As it is, there’s nothing to hear but gagging, the sound of guys walking around the ring in a big empty room, and Chyna occasionally mumbling something while she has a dick in her mouth.

They pull her up to her feet. The Sheik fucks her from behind while she leans forward and blows Austin. She seems unsteady and the guys have to keep her from falling over. They abandon the standing experiment and she gets back on her knees to blow Cena. To keep from falling asleep, the rest of the crew eventually surrounds her and she quickly goes from dick to dick.

The clown lays flat on the mat and Chyna blows him while Bret fucks her. The clown swaps out with Cena, who swaps out with the Shiek. Chyna mumbles about being nasty like Janet Jackson. The guy fucking her, still Bret I think, has enough and pops on her face. Yes, it’s Bret, as the other wrestlers mock him for being the first to go. A cutaway to Gene at ringside confirms Bret has been “eliminated”.

If Chyna “defeats” a guy by getting him to cum, shouldn’t the guys try not to? Shouldn’t they fight it, like when a guy tries to reach the bottom ring rope to escape the figure four leglock? Then they could act like no matter how hard the guys fought not to cum, Chyna was just too good and made them shoot their loads. Hence, she wins. Right? This apparently escaped everyone on set.

After an edit, there’s a chair in the ring for Chyna to kneel on. Much as the first scene followed the same pattern over and over, it seems all we’re getting here is Chyna blowing someone while getting fucked from behind. At the moment we have Austin up front and Triple H behind. Just as I type that, they swap out for the clown and Cena.

After several minutes, they finally mix it up. Chyna rides reverse cowgirl on whoever is sitting in the chair, and she leans to the side to keep blowing guys. In some weird editing, it looks as though Cena stood her up and tried getting her leg over his shoulder, but she’s just not capable of standing. So she sits back down and rides reverse cowgirl some more, this time with Rock sitting on the chair underneath her. But after another quick edit, the chair vanishes.

Rock’s still on the bottom and most of the guys stand around slapping their dicks on her. “Now that’s a gangbang!” Gene declares in another cutaway. Chyna rides regular cowgirl for a while, then back to reverse. Suddenly, Mean Gene enters the ring and shoves his dick in her mouth. A run-in!

After about a minute of Gene fucking her face, they cut to Chyna lying on her side as the Sheik fucks her. Gene is nowhere to be seen. They briefly cut back to him at ringside as he gives a line about the Sheik drilling for oil. Then the Sheik gets up and Gene runs back in and starts fucking her. Chyna eventually slaps him and he disappears again.

Chyna lays flat on her back and the guys take turns fucking her while she mumbles incoherently. They cut back to Gene, who says Rock is more interested in Austin’s ass than he is in Chyna. So that’s two forced-in shots at The Rock and Steve Austin.

Meanwhile, not a single bad thing has been said about Triple H. And Lisa Ann is playing his wife. This movie just surpassed The Chaperone on his favorites list.

There’s also a Gene cutaway where he jokes that Rock can’t keep his dick hard, which he clearly can’t. What a weird thing to put in the movie. It’s like a wrestler performing his signature move and the announcer saying “Ah, that doesn’t really hurt”. They’re actually calling attention to how uninterested the guys are in Chyna.

In the middle of Rock and Triple H working on Chyna, a Gene cutaway tells us that Austin is just about done. Which is odd since he wasn’t anywhere near her. But sure enough they cut back to a shot of Austin popping on Chyna’s tits. The editing is just terrible.

Now it’s back to Rock fucking her, and the Sheik walks over and cums on her face. Three men down. Rock pulls out and does likewise. “The cooking is done,” Gene declares. With Rock still standing there, the clown runs in from off-screen and pops on her face.

We’re down to Cena and Triple H! You can cut the excitement with a knife! I’ve never understood that saying.

They immediately cut to Cena’s cumshot. Gene salutes him. Triple H follows suit by popping on her face as Gene reminds us that he’s her former lover. So Triple H was the last man standing. This is officially his favorite movie. Wait, here’s Gene, who gets in the ring and cums on her face too. So everyone’s eliminated and Chyna “wins”. They edit in a shot of all the guys laying on the mat as Chyna jumps around in celebration.

A painfully long 30 minutes of the most boring gangbang you’ll ever see.

Chyna Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chyna

Part Three

This Porn DVD scene has it all, Gene sends us backstage where Captain Lou Albano (Ron Jeremy) is making out with Valerie the ring announcer. Other than being fat, there’s no attempt at making Jeremy look like the Captain. Not a single rubber band is taped to his face.

He lowers the top of her dress, kisses her breasts, then lays her back on a table and goes down on her. After a minute or two, she rolls over to her stomach and he fingers her before trying to enter her from behind. But it seems like he can’t get hard, so he abandons trying to fuck her and goes back to eating her out. What a sad display this is. It’s like watching Ric Flair still trying to wrestle.

Valerie says she has to go, but that she has a friend for him. Ron refuses to admit defeat, however, and makes another attempt at fucking her. This one has more success. Valerie repeats that she has a friend for him, but probably realizing that he’ll go soft by the time someone else comes in, Ron flips her on her back and keeps fucking her.

It suddenly cuts back to the arena where Hulk Hogan (Evan Stone) is making his entrance. Mean Gene is orgasmic. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, PEOPLE? THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!” Evan Stone, who played Hulk previously in the Hogan Knows Best parody, does a great impression.

Next out is Ric Flair (Alex Sanders). Gene squeals with glee. Without all the posing and shirt-tearing, Flair’s entrance is much shorter. They both end up in the ring, slowly running around and bouncing off the ropes as Gene wonders where Chyna is.

Back to Ron. Chyna has appeared out of thin air with her face between Valerie’s legs. Ron takes his dick back out of his pants so Chyna can suck it. Valerie hops off the table and tries to escape, but Ron grabs her and pulls her in for a kiss. After a brief tongue-tangle, she finally manages to get away.

Ron has unbuttoned his shirt and his hideous belly button is now visible. It looks like a woman giving birth to a mass of tumors. Run for your life, Valerie.

Ron kneels down to make out with Chyna and frantically strokes his dick the entire time to try getting hard. So sad. When he’s finally ready, he stands back up so Chyna can resume blowing him. She makes like she’s deepthroating him, but she’s only getting about half of it since Ron’s holding the base of his dick. He leans down and fingers her, then has to start stroking again.

After an obvious edit, Ron appears to be fully hard while Chyna’s sucking him. He lays her back on the table, fingers her for a bit, and then starts fucking her. But once again he has to stop, kissing her while feverishly jerking himself. Why even put this scene in the movie? I know everyone has their kink, but is there really anyone alive who’s getting off on seeing Chyna and a fat, half-flaccid old man having sex?

He finally starts fucking her again. They stay in the same position, with Chyna on her back. Then in the highlight of the movie to this point, Ron starts his countdown and tells Chyna to start counting back from 20. Please enjoy the following transcript.

Chyna: Twenty… nineteen… ohhh! (Mumbles)teen?

Ron (like he’s correcting her): Eighteen.

Chyna: …twelve?

Ron: Seventeen!

There aren’t words. Chyna eventually remembers how to count and Ron pulls out at one to cum on her pussy. She drops down and sucks him, staring into the camera as she does. I haven’t mentioned it to this point, but Chyna stares into the camera rather frequently. It’s like she thinks she has to mug and make sexy faces at all times. It looks completely unnatural. I know she’s still new to this, but it just doesn’t work.

Chyna Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chyna

Part Four

Back out to the arena, where Gene says Hogan and Flair have been running the ropes for ten minutes. Flair’s tights are halfway down to make his ass crack visible. Possibly the most realistic aspect of the movie yet.

Chyna comes out and as I believe they say in wrestling, she appears to be “in no condition to perform”. Have you seen the video of a fucked-up Scott “Razor Ramon” Hall being led to the ring? This feels similar.

Right on cue, she rolls under the bottom rope, then just keeps rolling over and over until she falls out the other side of the ring. Stone and Sanders stand there dumbfounded. Then Sanders gives a Flair “woooo”. Gold.

Here’s Gene on Chyna’s rolling.

Gene: What is this move? Very curious. Cut to two dicks in her mouth.

Sure enough, Chyna’s suddenly on her knees in the ring, blowing both guys. Gene does commentary this time, talking in a low golf announcer voice. After a few minutes of oral, they try to stand her up. But while she was merely unsteady during the gangbang, she’s now practically dead weight.

They finally get her feet flat on the mat, but her head is still pointed straight down like she’s touching her toes. Evan repeatedly tells her to stop sucking his cock as they try to get her into a simple “bent over” position. They’re successful and Sanders fucks her from behind as Evan slides his dick in and out of her mouth. She’s too messed up to blow him.

Evan stands her up mostly straight and starts kissing her. Sanders pulls out and gives a look like he’d rather be anywhere else. This isn’t a porn scene, it’s two guys trying their best to keep a train from going off the rails. Incidentally, the commentary from Gene stopped at some point along the way.

Chyna sinks back down to her knees, forcing Evan to drag her back up. He has to tell her to bend over. He’s coaching her like a wrestler calling out moves in the ring. In wrestling, Evan would be celebrated for being a great worker.

Chyna slumps back into the toe-touching position again as Sanders fucks her, so Evan has to lift her back into being bent-over. He just rubs his dick back and forth against her mouth, then holds it inside her mouth while she does nothing.

After an edit they finally have Chyna on her back while Sanders fucks her and Evan fucks her mouth. This way she doesn’t have to do anything but lay there. Evan starts getting back into character and then pins her arms down, saying “Lemme tell ya something, Chyna!” Chyna mumbles about having a conversation and then says “You never loved me”. I don’t know what that means, but at least she’s able to speak. That’s good to know.

They switch so that Evan is fucking her and Sanders is by her mouth. Evan drops some more Hulkster style verbiage and Flair woooos.

After an edit, Evan is now fucking her in the ass while she continues to lay on her back. He goes very slowly and Sanders stops altogether for a while as she gets used to it. Then they get going again. Evan fingers her pussy while he fucks her. After a few minutes, they switch again and now Flair’s doing the anal. It’s just the same thing dragging on and on, two guys fucking a girl who’s only capable of laying still.

Another edit and they’ve actually gotten Chyna up onto her knees. Hulk’s doing the anal again. After some close-ups of Chyna staring into the camera, and some close-ups of the anal, the guys switch again. Chyna starts blowing Evan and Sanders doesn’t even bother trying to fuck her.

Edit #3825. Chyna’s on her side and Hulk goes in her ass again. After a few minutes, she eventually ends up on her back once more. It’s just an endless loop of the same thing, one guy in her ass while the other sort-of gets a blowjob. They do a close-up of Chyna’s face with her head in Sanders’ lap and he’s not the slightest bit hard.

Stone starts giving her the anal harder. She’s clearly not used to it and does a lot of Lamaze style breathing. After that brief interlude, he’s back in her pussy. But he doesn’t stay for long and starts alternating back and forth between holes. Sanders isn’t even in the ring anymore.

After a few minutes of Evan going from hole to hole, Sanders suddenly hurries over and pops on Chyna’s face. They do a close-up of his face as he woooos like Flair. Then they show him laying on the mat like the guys after the gangbang.

Chyna tells Hulk to fuck her ass and that she’s going to cum. Then she declares that she’s cumming. If you say so.

Hulk’s still going from hole to hole. Then just as I suggested earlier, he starts saying Chyna can’t make him cum. Well, technically, she’s not. She’s just laying there. But… oh no… the Hulkster can’t hold it and he pops on her face.

After an extended shot of Chyna’s sticky face, they show a dark shot of her holding a championship belt while a strobe light flashes. I guess she wins. Chyna IS the queen of the ring!

Brought to you by Vivid the maker of Porn Parody DVDs.





Oversexed Young Girls & Big Tit MILFs!

Elsa Jean Porn Actress Photo

Blackmailed Cheating Teens

For oversexed young girls, one indiscretion can mean humiliating consequences! The unfaithful sluts in Kevin Moore’s “Blackmailed Cheating Teens” find themselves extorted for sex by unscrupulous creeps threatening to reveal their dark secrets. Tiny blonde Elsa Jean has cheated on her boyfriend, so his “best buddy” takes advantage – in the presence of the unsuspecting cuckold! Right next to her sleeping man, he plows Elsa’s sweet pussy and splatters her pretty face with sperm. Gorgeous Melissa Moore made the one-time mistake of sleeping with her best friend’s boyfriend. So he won’t expose the truth, she must service his giant dick … in the girlfriend’s bed! Having surrendered her virtue to her stepfather, stunning Alex Grey hides her shame from her oblivious mom, but continues the affair. The evil stepdad pounds her tight pussy, even as they chat with Mom! Quinn Wilde doesn’t want her family to know about her online sex video. Her sister’s guy blackmails the chesty slut; he gets his cock sucked (as he talks to his naïve girlfriend) and plows Quinn’s shaved quim.

Kevin Moore’s “Blackmailed Cheating Teens” is a single-disc Evil Angel Adult Movie DVD with cumshot recap, cast list and filmographies.


Alex Grey, Blake Morgan, Elsa Jean, Melissa Moore, Nickey Huntsman, Quinn Wilde, Zoe Parker, Alex Davis, Bill Bailey, Codey Steele, Mr. Pete, Xander Corvus

Elsa Jean Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Elsa Jean

Big Tit Anal MILFs 2

Veteran director Mick Blue is always seeking out beautiful asses to fuck. His “Big Tit Anal MILFs” features intimate, POV-style footage of seasoned, cock-loving sluts using their bouncy, luscious booties and huge, firm knockers to extract every drop of tasty semen from the director’s giant cock. Cherie DeVille is a refined, curvaceous mama with a taste for nasty backdoor sex. The lingerie-clad seductress talks dirty, working the director’s uncut schlong and getting thoroughly fucked. Raven-haired bombshell Jasmine Jae’s huge tits spill from her glamorous evening dress. She enjoys an intense session of anal sodomy and milks out a load of cream by hand. Big-eyed, big-boobed bimbo Britney Amber deep-throats Mick’s massive dick. After he invades her every hole, Britney eagerly gobbles up his spurting cum. Legendary blonde MILF Ryan Conner has brought her amazing, huge rump and lustful attitude back into action. Mick reams the curvy beauty’s outrageous butt using toys and his throbbing meat before finally filling Ryan’s mouth with hot spunk.

BAM Visions’ “Big Tit Anal MILFs” is a double-disc DVD with behind-the-scenes footage, cumshot recap, photo galleries, cast list and filmographies.


Britney Amber, Cherie DeVille, Jasmine Jae, Ryan Conner, Mick Blue

Britney Amber Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Britney Amber

Nachos Threesomes 2

Porn madman Nacho Vidal doubles his pleasure, pairing up striking Euro-sluts for savage sessions of hardcore, passionate sex. “Nacho’s Threesomes 2” is four scenes of ferocious, fast-paced fucking with free-for-all oral antics, intense face sitting and cum-swapping climaxes. Russian Katrin Tequila and Spanish newbie Caomei Bala join Nacho for a cock-riding, rim-jobbing three-way. Nacho unveils a special surprise for buxom beauty Alba De Silva: adorable brunette Zoe Doll. In matching outfits, the dick-hungry babesmake out and eat pussy. Nacho power-plows them to a jizz-feeding finale. Beautiful, dark-skinned Venus Afrodita tongues Nacho’s bunghole while he porks young nymph Alexa Nasha. Their sweltering menage-a-trois culminates in sloppy, semen-soaked kissing. Eighteen-year-old Russian cutie Mey Madness and busty blonde Briana Banderas love a man to take charge. Who better than Nacho? His gigantic prick fucks Briana’s massive melons and spreads the wealth in a dominant dual drilling.

Nacho Vidal’s “Nacho’s Threesomes 2” is a single-disc DVD with cumshot recap, photo galleries and cast list.


Alba De Silva, Alexa Nasha, Briana Banderas, Caomei Bala, Katrin Tequila, Mey Madness, Venus Afrodita, Zoe Doll, Nacho Vidal

Katrin Tequila Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Katrin Tequila

The Ultimate Blowjob Experience!

Pervy director Mike Adriano enjoys epic cock worship by multiple mouths in each saliva-soaked scene of Swallowed Volume 6. Competing in trios and pairs to throat the most dick and cough up the sloppiest rivers of slobber, Mike’s eager blow jobbers always put their best face forward! Stunning, young blondes Alexa Grace, Summer Day and 19-year-old Chloe Couture team up for a messy, eye-watering BJ with ball lapping. Three ebony beauties, Ana Foxxx, Chanell Heart and Skyler Nicole, treat Mike’s tool to nasty, interracial cocksucking with rimming trimmings – they tongue the director’s bunghole and fill a bowl with their drool. Busty blonde Sarah Vandella and lusty Latina Vicki Chase, both accomplished cocksuckers, share wet kisses. They lewdly lick Mike’s scrotum and sphincter, ending up a spit-slick mess. Tattooed cutie Holly Hendrix, petite blonde Angel Smalls and sexy teen Lily Jordan service Mike’s meat. Sassy slut Zelda Morrison and teenage girlfriend Alyssa Cole blow spit bubbles while they gag on his throbbing boner.


Alexa Grace, Sarah Vandella, Holly Hendrix, Angel Smalls, Chanell Heart, Ana Foxxx, Summer Day, Lily Jordan, Chloe Couture, Vicki Chase, Skyler Nicole, Zelda Morrison and Alyssa Cole

Alexa Grace Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Alexa Grace


Digital Playgrounds Bad Girl 3

Riley Steele Porn Actress Photo

With the parody craze in full swing it seems inevitable that commercials would get their moment Digital Playground has long relied upon director Robby D to handle their many efforts, only Joone occasionally stepping in for those expensive blockbusters the company releases every couple of years. This reliance on a single visionary has helped elevate the company to new heights but at the same time limited their growth potential for new ideas, the talented man one of the best technical people in the jizz biz. His latest release making it my way is Bad Girls 3, the series generally known for showcasing everyone at the company that they figure is worth something, this volume starring lovely Jesse Jane and cute Riley Steele, as well as some popular outsiders such as Jenna Haze, Madison Scott, and Jenaveve Jolie. Going into the production, I had few expectations and had heard virtually nothing about it, the end result being I was ready for anything out of the relatively short movie built on a mere five scenes. The Here’s a brief look at the sex scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Jesse Jane Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Jesse Jane
Scene One

Jesse Jane, as bubbly as ever, was up first with cute blond Madison Scott and Ben English at a bar. The ladies showed a definite affinity for one another, licking and caressing each other while they shared his pecker, Jesse’s power stroke method probably enough to milk his balls quickly were this a real life tryst. The camera appeared to haphazardly record what was going on, panning too quickly and jumping around in a manner I wasn’t keen to observe, the abundance of close up shots further degrading the effort quite early in the show. The oral was active by both ladies and the vaginal penetration was nearly as driven, the lack of personal chemistry noted even when the facial of genetic juice was launched at the faces of the ladies. They gave him some mechanical post coital head and were done with him, kissing each other to share his wad.

Jenna Haze Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Jenna Haze
Scene Two

Jenna Haze, one of the most popular ladies in porn not currently under contract, was up next at the bar with moper David Perry, Jamall Johnson still playing his character role as a makeshift bartender. Jenna was perky and unabashedly willing to go at it right there, the couple kissing before he undid her blouse to suck her titty and go down on her. Jenna rewarded his advances with an enthusiastic blowjob, a long time specialty of hers, where her hand to gland combat style increased the friction as the shy guy learned to appreciate her sloppy hummers. Jenna Haze savoring a cock is a given on par with Roger and I inhaling banana laffy taffy, the look on her face regardless of who she is working with a pleasure to behold but there was again minimal chemistry between them as they got right down to business. She put on all the right expressions and pushed back as he drove his cock deep inside her snatch but this was far from her best work, both of them engaging in some taste testing along the way. The scene finished up when she jerked out a nut of population pudding to her face while keeping eye contact, the sweet gal owning him by the time they were done.

Jenaveve Jolie Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Jenaveve Jolie
Scene Three

Jenaveve Jolie, a hot looking Latina that I have not seen a lot of recently, was up next as the brunette bombshell stretched out on the bed while wearing her sexy red dress. Ben English came to check up on her and she girlishly engaged in some frivolous banter with him, laughing as she tried unsuccessfully to explain away a previous liaison. To make it up to him, she started nuzzling him and kissing his lips, her ass in the air as she crawled all over him while he felt her up. This led to her wrapping her infamous lips around his cock and sucking the life out of him, swinging her legs around him to complete the 69 so both could pleasure the other orally. They then moved into doing a series of vaginal penetrations, Jenaveve less active than her best work but able to handle his sizable rod all the same. The best positions for me were the cowgirl variations as her sweet ass rippled delightfully as she impaled herself, bothered only by her repetitive moans and grunts before he unleashed his load of semen into her mouth. The energy levels were decent and I liked the playfulness but the chemistry needed work.

Scene Four: Jesse Jane, the hotty blond featured on the center of the front cover, was up once more, this time engaging the mighty Evan Stone in some dialogue. While a far cry from the equally stilted words they shared in a few big budget pirate movies, the idea was to set up the sex as logical (for a porno) and they did reasonably well in that regard). The troubled Jesse gained his sympathy though, her black dress shoved aside to offer Evan greater access to her as she jumped around in his lap. Jesse then suck started his cock like a true champion, Evan choking her as she choked his chicken and then held her down while she was going down on him. He was as hard as diamonds when he went to pounding her pussy, the cleanly shaven slit lubing him up for more oral as she cleaned him between his bouncing back and forth from her pussy to her mouth. They did display some chemistry here, something quite missing in the previous scenes, and Jesse was into his large dick tearing into her, but the scene was generically located on a couch and showed little creativity. My favorite part of the scene was when she kept pulling his dick inside of her during the active vaginal riding, Jesse blowing him even after he masturbated one out of her face.

Riley Steele Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Riley Steele
Scene Five

Riley Steele, the sexy babe showcased on the left side of the front cover, was up last with moper Danny Mountain, her physical appeal still increasing as the fetching beauty sipped her drink from the bar. The trivial dialogue was again mediocre, Riley having little to work with as she readied to change gears for the sexual action. She initiated it by blowing him on the green couch while he spanked her ass. Riley’s active hummer was pleasant to watch despite the lack of chemistry or connection with Danny, the gal trying to interject some playfulness as she got on her knees to please him. The vaginal penetration seemed shorter than usual here as the editing bounced them about too much, the issue with close up work again marring the performance she gave. The taste testing and moaning aside, it ended when he jerked off to her crotch, Riley cleaning him up by slobbing the tip of his knob.





America’s Favorite Commercials Gone Porn

Taylor Wane Porn Actress Photo

Give Otto Bauer a lot of credit, he came up with some current, hip and funny advertisements to run through the XXX parody machine. He also put together a good looking cast to make sure that the sex is good even if you don’t like the humor. I do, so it’s all good. The movie opens with busty beauty Chloe Reece Ryder as “Ho” the insurance girl. Her look and patter are dead on. Her scene is very hot thanks to her cute face and awesome rack. She stays in character which adds a little fun. Jazy Berlin and Daisy Cruz fuck Dale DaBone who plays the Most Interesting Man in the World. Great commercial, funny set up and a rather forgettable scene. It isn’t bad, but it was a better idea than a scene. Taylor Wane plays the Whorebitz Gum girl with annoying perfect and gets her “dirty mouth” fucked raw. Lizz Tayler looks really hot taking on Billy Glide’s big cock. I really like Lizz. She has a cute face, a hot body and great sexual energy. Otto saves the best for last though, keeping Nicole Aniston for himself. The set up is funny on that one, but all that matters is how hot Nicole looks naked with a dick in her. This is a fun movie with a hot cast. The commercial parodies are good, sometimes very good. The chicks are hot, especially Nicole, Lizz and Chloe and everything is just good enough for me to recommend this adult movie.

Chloe Reece Ryder Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chloe Reece Ryder
Chloe Reece Ryder & Mark Wood

When Mark Wood strolls into “Aggressive Insurance” he finds “Ho” organizing her boxes of discounts. She is all done up in white and giggling like the bubbly actress in the commercial. I’m not sure how discounts equate directly to boobs, but they somehow make it work. Chloe whips out her giant tits and starts stroking Mark’s wood. Even without any fantasy appeal, she would be fun to watch. Throw in just a little bit of cute play and you have a winner. She gives really good head and the hanging boob shots are pretty awesome. They continue when he bends her over and starts fucking her hard from behind. The harder Mark fucks Chloe the more she repeats her tag line “that’s a discount.” Boob lovers will want to stick around for the reverse cowgirl because she bounces so hard that the tits are literally flopping all over the place. During some nicely shot face fucking her bright red lipstick gets all over his cock. That’s got a nice bit of appeal to it. I love the shots of her spread out and on her back. They finish with a big shot all over her face the “Ho” licks up perfectly.

Jazy Berlin Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Jazy Berlin
Jazy Berlin, Daisy Cruz & Dale DaBone

Dale plays the Most Interesting Man in the World, tells to stay horn and then enjoys a nice three way with two willing sluts, Jazy Berlin and Daisy Cruz. Not much of a set up, but it’s cute enough to make you smile. Dale as an old man is kind of funny, but mostly the scene works when he gets out of the way and lets the girls have fun. They hook up for a pretty hot double BJ that overcomes whatever he’s mumbling in the background. Jazy really takes control of the blowjob and offers up some pretty hot talk as she gets fucked from behind. When Daisy finally gets her turn, she puts a leg up on Dale’s shoulder and moans round his dick like she’s in love. Hazy gets back in the driver’s seat and works her shaved pussy in reverse cowgirl while her friend fingers away. The girls share a nice big load at the end.

Taylor Wane Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Taylor Wane
Taylor Wane & Jenner

When cheeky pitchwoman Taylor Wane goes a little too far singing the praises of Whorbitz Gum, Jenner tries to set her straight. She bounces and talks like a drone, informing that the best way to shut her up is to put a dick in her mouth for sexual fulfillment. Taylor is funny and pulls out her big tits to show him the way. We get some hot lesbian kissing in the background as he bends over, swats her ass and tests her pussy for juiciness. She does a great job on her knees sucking that cock. Her big lips slide up and down and get gags as he fucks her throat. Great oral here before he puts her up on the table, rubs the head of his cock on her pussy and then slams his way home. Moving her into doggy he slams hard into pussy and tries his best to turn her slit into chewed bubble gum. He finishes by shooting his load all over her mouth. Taylor adds the tag line to make it fun.

Lizz Tayler Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Lizz Tayler
Lizz Tayler & Billy Glide

Cute little Lizz Tayler is excited to see the three dollar foot schlong camera in the sub store. She sings the song to the point that you may want to ram pencils into your ears to make it stop. Billy puts his big cock on a bun and Lizz stops singing so she can start sucking. She looks really cute in tight shorts and a little yellow tan kop. Sucking right there on the table, she rams it to the back of her throat and shows off her skills. Billy puts her on the table, strips her naked and eats her pussy. Lizz shows good energy and prepares to take that massive dick in her tiny little hole. He pushes it in while she holds her cheeks open for the camera. The doggy shots are really good. Lizz has a nice ass and great legs to add eye candy to the proceedings. That sets us up nicely for some reverse cowgirl. How she takes that whole foot schlong is anyone’s guess. It is nice to see her suck him clean between every position. She finishes him off in her mouth, milking that cock of every drop he’s got to offer her. I’d pay three bucks for head like that.

Nicole Aniston Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Nicole Aniston
Nicole Aniston & Otto Bauer

Otto is the lead singer of a quirky band that mugs for the camera while shilling for Like magic he gets a new whore (Nicole Aniston) and everything is great. The pretty blonde drops right to her knees and knows exactly what to do to make him happy. Great looking head here as she tickles his balls. I guess Otto hand picked this girl and it’s nice to be the director in cases like this. Nicole licks his balls, strokes his cock and drools like a perfect slut. Nicole has hot legs, a great ass and a killer smile. We get to enjoy all of these as she throws her legs in the air and gets slammed on the table. When she bends over, Nicole holds her ass open, but is not about to give up that hole. Instead she sucks him clean and then moves on top for a final round of cowgirl. Nicole drops to the floor and takes a big facial just like the special hottie she is. Otto has a good cast here, but he saved the best for last.





An American Werewolf in London XXX

Jessie Andrews Porn Actress Photo

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981) is widely recognized as a classic. No film before it (and few since) have so deftly struck a balance of comedy, tragedy, and horror. In addition the special effect transformation where our young protagonist “becomes” the wolf is generally accepted by most critics (myself included) to be the best old-school “transformation sequence” of all time.  This original film holds its own against decades of other lycanthrope films released after it, including its lesser sequel AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS (1997). Of course there simply must be a porno parody of a classic horror movie like this and likely it is someone like Jim Powers (director of Halloween XXX) who would create it. Let us look at AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON XXX and see for ourselves whether or not the “beast with two backs” belongs in everyone’s favorite classic werewolf movie.

Brett Rossi Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Brett Rossi

One thing is for certain, this parody film has a healthy respect for the original work. Every memorable scene, (even the fantastic dream sequence involving Nazi werewolves) is replicated here and properly sexualized for being included. Also, the fact it was actually filmed in London starring actual English porn stars (Lexi Ward and Sophie Dee) is an immediate testament to its production values.  The story follows in the paw prints of its non-porn predecessor; a young man named David Kessler is backpacking across England with his best friend, Jack Goodman.  The two stop a local pub and Davis finds himself immersed in tales of the Werewolf from the aged, curmudgeonly proprietor as Jack is in the store room “losing himself” in the barkeep’s comely daughter. They are quickly run out of the bar, and they are attacked on the moor.  David is severely wounded, while Jack is killed. It seems that David is now a werewolf who must engage his mad blood lust whenever there is a full moon….also he also has a permanent erection.  Thankfully David’s former best friend returns to his bedside (in the form of a rapidly decaying corpse) to explain the rules of the game to him, and to constantly encourage him to kill himself (and thus freeing he and all future victims from limbo). There is also a plot line involving a David’s sexual relationship with a buxom nurse named Alex Price, which, of course, in this film takes things to a whole new level of “graphic” (needless to say, the original’s shower sequence between the two characters is much “dirtier” now). All in all, it is a faithful adaption of the original film’s sexual element and therefore an above average parody that fans of the original should check this out if they enjoy such fare.

Sophie Dee Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Sophie Dee

My only problems with this film is that some of the simple-but-expected nuances failed to live up to the original film in ways that seemed overlooked. For one,  “The Slaughtered Lamb” pub featured in the original film is to horror films what the bar in “Cheers” is to sitcoms, and by that I mean an iconic, necessary part of the film. The tavern in this film (aside from a spot-on replica of the Lamb pub sign (in magic marker) was essentially yet another modern, brightly lit, generic porno room that didn’t even have a working beer tap in it.  Also while I fully admit that while most of the gore special effects were easily on par with a modern B movie of today, in the end the “werewolf suit” used in this film by the film’s only true “monster” looked a like a cross between a high school football team mascot and a play suit from the meanest Furry in the world. Perhaps it is too much to hope that a porn parody could be as visually  stimulating as the original film from thirty years ago, yet, considering this adult parody film featured an actual chase scene in a modern English subway tunnel, I simply can’t believe that we couldn’t get a more accurate portrayal of the pub or titular beast when so much effort was put into making every other facet of this film look as close to the original (even as it incorporated a few expected porno strokes all its own). As for the sex scenes, they were glossy, shot on digital, and were never an (unwelcome) distraction to the original story but actually served as an extension of it. As the original film had a surreal, playful quality to it, the scenes where everyone has actual sex didn’t seem as jarring as they often do in parodies inspired from more “serious” horror movies.