Giveaway $299 Prolong Climax Control Training Program

Giveaway $299 Prolong Climax Control Training Program

Adultsmart has teamed up with InnovaDerma to bring to you this latest giveaway. It is your chance to win a Prolong Climax Control Training Program which is valued up to $299! Why not enter the Prolong Climax Control Training Program competition for your chance to use the latest technology in climax control. This is the very last Prolong competition Adultsmart will be running so remember to get your entries in!

What’s prizes are up for grabs?

1 x Prolong Climax Control Training Program (valued $299)

The training program includes:

1 x Prolong Climax Control Training Device

1 x Prolong Water-Based Lubricant

Premature ejaculation device
Image: Prolong Climax Control Training Program

How do I enter the competition?

Here is a list of the different ways you can enter the competition!

Other ways to enter the competition



Competition 3: Giveaway $299 Prolong Climax Control Training Program! Like, share and tag a friend for your chance to be entered into the draw. @innovaderma

Like and share this Youtube video!

Delay ejaculation device competition 3
Image: Prolong Climax Control Training Program Pinterest Competition 3

Who can enter the competition?

You must be over 18 years of age to enter. The competition is open to people worldwide.

When does the competition begin?

The competition begins on the 14th of June.

When does the competition close?

Entries close the 1st of August and the draw will be conducted on the 2nd of August 2018.  The winner will be contacted via email to arrange delivery.

About Prolong

The world’s first and only FDA approved climax control training program is available to purchase online! Prolong is a long term treatment for premature ejaculation which can be used by men who wish to last longer! The Prolong Climax Control Training Program is different from other premature ejaculation ointments, creams and therapy that often have side effects that cause adverse reactions. Prolong has been reported to have no negative side effects!

Studies have found that premature ejaculation impacts mental health with 69% of men experiencing shame and embarrassment over how long they are able to last in bed. 88% of men had reported that they:

“wish they had more control over their duration in bed”

Furthermore, global studies impact men outside of the bedroom. Of those affected by premature ejaculation have reported:

  • 39% experienced low self confidence in the bedroom
  • 29% experienced strain in a relationship
  • 28% have less sex
  • 23% experienced effects on their mental health
  • 21% experienced performance anxiety
  • 10% have not looked for treatment for the issue as they may have felt too embarrassed to talk about it

Dr Andy Zamar, Medical Director, Consultant Psychiatrist, Founder of The London Psychiatry Centre, and Creator of Prolong Device said:

“Our research shows 86% of men are comfortable with the idea of training themselves to last longer, and we believe Prolong will be an empowering tool to treat PE.”

By actively managing premature ejaculation men regain their levels of confidence so they are able to perform to the best of the ability when they need to the most. The program has been proven to add 3 to 8 minutes to a man’s duration. The benefits which are gained are said to last for as long as 6 months!

Prolong Climax Control Training Program is made with a device and a water-based personal lubricant. The program works by using the device that vibrates and stimulates with textured ribbing just underneath the head of the penis. The device is used alongside a small dab of the water-based personal lubricant. The stimulation that is felt along one of the most sensitive areas on the penis. The man uses a start-stop technique which involves building up an orgasm and stopping just before he reaches orgasm. This training program works towards desensitising the penis helping men to last longer in the future.

One of the stand out features about the Prolong Climax Control Training Program is that it is a long term solution for premature ejaculation. Men are able to use the device when they need to perform maintenance sessions. This cuts down the cost as the Prolong Climax Control Training Program only needs to be purchased once with only a small costing that goes towards buying a new water-based lubricant when the original bottle runs out. No need for replacement delay sprays and ointments any longer.

Can’t wait for the competition to end? Buy it with our discount code for our loyal readers

Adultsmart has partnered up with InnovaDerma and Smiling Dick to bring to you a 10% discount on any Prolong Climax Control Training Program purchase.  The discount is only available for a limited time!

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Gay Of Thrones Makes All Men Cum

With the release of Game of Thrones season 7 just around the corner and with the sad news today that we won’t get season 8 until 2019 I thought I’d do my review on the porn parody series “Gay of Thrones”. Now, as a recent newcomer to the HBO series, having only seen it in its entirety only a few months ago, I was quite excited to see how the gay porn studio turns it into an adult movie. I got the DVD from an Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre and when I had my first chance alone I popped it on.

The first scene starts off with Toby Dutch as Daenerys Targaryen who stands by a river. We then see Abraham Al Malek as Khal Drogo. The costumes are made extremely well and they have done the characters justice. They went as far as making Daenerys hair white and Al Malek had the same blue tattooing as the character.

Daenerys Targaryen in Gay Of Throne
Image: Daenerys Targaryen

Now in this first scene, they get right to the action. No story set up, no talking between the characters, they just start having sex. I’m not sure if they took this approach to replicate the show, as these two characters have very little dialogue between them, but a little story set-up would have been nice. I can’t even say that the chemistry was great between the actors, but again, I’m not sure if that was to capture the characters or not, but it felt rather disjointed. The fact that it was outside was hot though. It was a fairly basic scene, they change positions a few times and then finish with Daenerys taming Drogo’s dragon.

Khal Drogo in Gay Of Throne
Image: Khal Drogo

The next scene we see Paul Walker, Loras Tyrell and Dato Foland as Renly Baratheon. The set-piece is very representative of the show and I felt they captured that aspect well. There is some dialogue as Tyrell shaves Baratheons chest. Soon after they start to get into the action. There’s more passion between the two actors this time and it feels like they have done the characters justice as they are lovers in the series. After switching positions and roles a few times they have their happy ending. They share a passionate kiss and Tyrell tells Baratheon he thinks he would be a good king. I’m sure he does after the battle they just had.

In the next scene, we see Damien Crosse as Oberyn Martell and Christopher Daniels as Olyvar. It begins with Olyvar offering Oberyn a line-up of beautiful young prostitutes to which he inspects them very closely but dismisses them, only to order Olyvar to stay. He gives himself to Oberyn, to which he has no qualms with whatsoever. He strips and drops to his knees. In this scene, Damien Cross is very dominant and forceful but passionate. I think it is really hot and very true to the character himself. He knows what he wants and he takes it!

Keeping true to the series the set pieces are very believable and add to the Game of Thrones Universe. The actors have great chemistry and work very well together! I’m a big fan of Crosse and love him as the character of Oberyn Martell. The characters change positions and use the entire room, which I think is a good detail. After they have finished their battle, Oberyn orders Olyvar to put his clothes on and get back to the boys.

Renly Baratheon in Gay Of Throne
Image: Renly Baratheon

The final scene shows Colby Keller as Daario Naharis and Toby Dutch return as Daenerys Targaryen. It starts off with a voiceover, which I found odd as none of the other scenes had a little story to begin with. It shows that Naharis had captured Daenerys to take him to his lord. As he is taking Daenerys to be locked up, he takes Daenerys for himself beforehand. He claims there are two things he excels at; War and men. He has already had a war, so now he is taking the man for himself.

This scene takes place in what looks like some old ruins, and I think that’s really hot. The men start to do their battle and not long till their swords are drawn. The men were somewhat passionate but this scene to me wasn’t overly thrilling. They go at it and have an explosive conclusion to their battle.

Overall, I felt like this movie was lacklustre. It would have been so much better with more story and more dialogue added to it. I know its porn but the corny innuendos and cheesy acting would have been fun for this fantasy series. They definitely could have elaborated on the characters and how they got to be where they were. It just needed a little more elaboration to make it more like Game of Thrones. Take away the costuming and the backdrops (all of which I think were great) you wouldn’t have known this was Game of Thrones related at all.

I give this gay adult movie with butt-centric sex 2 battle swords out of 5.

Author: Brett is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

A XXX Adventure With Batman And Superman

For my review this week I thought I’d do it on an adult movie, so I went to our DVD room at an Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre and scoured the wall. Then, I saw it! It was a perfect for this week, as the Justice League movie had just opened across the nation. This week, I will be doing my review on the parody of Batman v Superman made by the famous gay adult film studio

As a massive nerd and comic book fan I was weary that they had done this parody, but in good spirit I thought it could be some fun, if nothing else. Starring as Bruce Wayne aka Batman is dark and brooding Trenton Ducati and as Clark Kent aka Superman is sizzling hot sex god Toper DiMaggio. I feel like both casting choices were perfect for the part, and they both had done well in the roles.

Gay batman porn parody
Image: Batman Shielding Man

In the first scene it starts off at a party where Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent meet for the first time after being introduced by the villain Mr. Smith. They talk and come to realise they oppose each other in defence of their alter egos. It then cuts to the very sexy Damien Crosse in an alley and is being attacked by thugs. In no time at all, Superman comes and fends off the thugs, and Damien Crosse shows his gratitude to him by offering himself to Superman. It is then that we see what the man of steel is really made of. They move to the warehouse and they get down to action. It cuts to Batman watching the pair and it looked like he was getting off from watching them. Or maybe he was just gathering ‘evidence’. Superman tops Damien; they change positions a few times and they both have an explosive end. Both actors worked well together, they were very passionate and had great chemistry. I feel like they could have made this scene better if Damien Crosse wasn’t just a random victim and they made him a parody version of Louise Lane. It’s not a big deal but it would have added to the story. If Superman saved all civilians like this, I would constantly be seeking his help and getting into trouble.

The next scene shows a naked Paddy O’Brian being held up by some thugs but within moments Batman is there to fend them off and save the ‘helpless’ Paddy. As thanks Paddy does Batman. Now I found this as a surprise because I always imagined Batman to be a top (come on now, Robin is DEFINITELY a bottom!) but it was a very hot scene nonetheless. Paddy is a very good top and always delivers such passion and it was hot to see him do Batman. Again, they change positions a few times, and when Paddy is done exploring Batman’s bat-cave, they have a happy ending.

Gay superman kissing a man
Buy Now | XXX Movie Store With DVDs

In the final scene we see the big bad Mr. Smith with three caged up twinks, naked and he is ready to do ‘experiments’ on them but before he gets to start he is thwarted by the crime fighting duo, who have come together to save the helpless caged up studs, played by Allen King, Dario Beck and Massimo Piano. Once stopped, while waiting for the authorities, the three captors decide they couldn’t resist the caped crusader’s charm and they want to show their gratitude. It starts off with an all in brawl and it seems Batman and Superman are very happy they saved the innocent captors. The three young men take turns servicing and offering themselves to the two superheroes but then Batman and Superman decide to bond with just each other. Superman ends up topping Batman and the others watch on and get each other off. As they watch the two muscular studs put on a show. The show stopping conclusion shows the three men watching, jerking each other off and then blow on themselves from the hotness of what they are witnessing which has the last son of Krypton explode all over the face of the Dark Knight. An extremely hot ending to the movie as great porn has many benefits!

Now overall I was very happy with the movie and the approach they took, and being the nerd that I am loved the fact that the actors kept their crime fighting costumes on, mainly, throughout the scenes and especially when the action happened. They didn’t just get rid of the costumes and become completely naked. This was a very hot detail and I appreciated it as it added to the overall experience. I did hope that they did more scenes in the movie. They could have done a scene where Batman goes back to the bat cave and has a scene with Alfred, his loyal butler. And it would have been hot to see a solo scene with Batman and Superman and have them fight then end up in a hot scene where they go at it on a rooftop or something like that. But that certainly didn’t mean the movie wasn’t good and it was very hot to watch. For me the main star was definitely Topher DiMaggio, as I have been a long-time fan of the actor and always enjoy his scenes but I felt he was extraordinary as The Man of Steel especially with his body and attitude. Now I wonder how they will approach a Justice League parody and how on earth will they do Wonder Woman?

I give this adult movie four and a half bat-signals out of five!

Author: Brett is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Sex Education With Pornography!

With the right guidance and training nothing can go wrong, I suggest to practice anything new gradually since there is a lot of information, you need to practice all, but do it with different partners and avoid do it all at the same time, since there a greater risk to make a mistake. You are guaranteed to learn about sex through watching Sex Educational XVideos. Even if the videos arn’t educational you can pick up a whole new variet of sex moves. You look at the way the pornstars work their way up to achieve different sex practices depending on the type of pornography you choose to watch.

Once that you have your new set of skills and you practiced all of them, you need to polish it up. The best way of polishing up your skill is by doing a lot of practice and also improvising; since there is a lot of information, and every girl is different you will need to do adapt your strategy depending of the girl and what she likes. It take’s time to improve as a lover and the more you spend with one person, the more you will be able to learn about how their body work. All men are different to, so you will need to adapt the your sex skills depending on both of your body structures. Even people in long term relationship will struggle with sex if they don’t regularly practice a new skill set rather than practicing the same thing over and over again.


Confident Man on Woman

When your with your lover ask them which move is their favourite so far or after the sexual experience ask them how it went. You can even ask your love to squeeze your hand or a part of your body to let you know what make them feel a lot of pleasure. Try to be as honest with each other as possible. Honesty is the only way you can improve. If someone tells you half truths or lies you will think your doing a good job and won’t improve your technique.

Feedback about what you felt and what she felt, – giving pleasure is one of the top priorities however, you need feedback from the girl, asking is a vital part of it. You will need to wait until everything is done, and that everyone is dressed, since they can be more honest when they are dressed. You may start saying that “I enjoyed sex with you” and then ask how was for her. She will give you the feedback needed and if you are lucky a few more tips to improve.  Having women to look forward for your skills.  All this practice and learning comes always comes with a reward, if you give pleasure to a woman she will return the favor in the best possible way she can, by giving you the best sex ever. She will remember you, and keep your number, and even more strange they will ask for your number after sex. If that happens you did something right. I had the opportunity first hand to receive a call from one of my one night stands from a tinder date I had. She called me to let me know that she is at the front door ready to get some action, if I wanted to. That was the best night ever, I used all my new skills and now I receive calls from her all the time.

Women talk about their sexual encounters We often think that men are the only ones that talk about sex, girls do it too. And when you are giving them good sex all her girlfriends will know, even if you meet them her girlfriends by mistakes, chances are, that you will heading home with her, because they want to know “how it feels”. This is the best thing that can happen to you.

Where to find the sex educational videos?  Like I mentioned before the best place is they have the best selection, stock availability and fast shipping that will exceed your expectation. Find the video about the topic you are interested, and start learning. If

you have a stable relationship and you want to improve her skills, you may even purchase DVDs for her, which will be the best investment you will ever make. There are so many topics to select from learning about “Sensual Massage” to “Anal Sex”, all the varieties are there for him and her. Now I am enjoying my new lifestyle, I have several love interests, the best of all; I just had to do a little investment for it. This feeling of freedom and having amazing sex is something that you will get when you learn about better sex through xvideo educational pornography dvds.


Chyna Is Queen of The Ring

The premise of the movie seems to be that Chyna’s biggest fantasy has come true: Vince brought her back. Except she still hates him. She still hates Stephanie. And instead of wrestling, she has to have sex with the wrestlers.

Still, she’s returned. And despite giving in on what would seem like key issues, working for people she hates and having to have sex, somehow Chyna is the one with all the power and control. Exactly the sort of mish-moshed insanity you would expect from Chyna trying to book her own perfect world.

Chyna, by the way, has tattoos on her arm and back now. Not sure if that’s new. She was painted green in her last movie.

The fun begins as Vince (the roided up Lee Stone with his hair greyed) and Stephanie (Lisa Ann) approach Chyna in the locker room. Chyna, who has had 10+ years to come up with something to say if she ever saw either of them again, and who surely had some sort of porn scriptwriter helping with this, rambles about how Stephanie ruined her career, how she could beat both Vince and Stephanie up, and other various insults she seems to think are scorchers that fall completely flat. She seems to be ad-libbing while trying to follow a general narrative and the result creates much sadness and fail.

Just to give an example of the amazing dialogue, Vince says he knows Chyna is still peeved, and Chyna says peeved isn’t how she would put it. So what word would she use, Stephanie inquires. “I would use… pissed!”

Chyna Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chyna

Incidentally, are Vince and Stephanie supposed to be offended by this? Chyna clearly hates Stephanie, yet while the wrestlers in the movie are portrayed as ridiculous caricatures, Stephanie is played by one of the hottest and most popular pornstars going. Boom, roasted? And forget the porn, Vince would probably masturbate just to the knowledge that a jacked up freak like Lee Stone is playing him.

Anyway. They set up the premise of Chyna having to fuck guys and how Vince is booking her to “win”. A victory apparently happens when Chyna gets a guy off. There’s a line somewhere in here about Steve Austin and The Rock wanting to fuck each other, so it seems they’re still on Chyna’s shitlist for having the nerve to make more money than her.

Then Vince talks about a match with two mystery opponents. Whoever they are, Chyna isn’t allowed to beat one of them. The guy Vince won’t let her beat doesn’t wrestle a lot anymore and has to be allowed to look good. I assumed it was a shot at Triple H, who has surprisingly gone unmentioned so far, but the preview showed a scene with Hogan and Flair. Oookay.

But Chyna objects to this, saying that if she can’t “beat” the mystery guy, it denies her of an orgasm of her own. So what to do? Well, for Chyna, it obviously means having sex with Vince and Stephanie. She demands this and, powerless against her demands, Vince and Stephanie meekly accept.

Chyna caps off her demand in the saddest way possible: “I’ve got two words for you… GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SUCK IT!” Oh, dear god. How do you screw that one up?

So Chyna stands there while Vince goes down on her and Stephanie plays with her boobs. After a few minutes of oral, Vince gets up, opens his pants, and Chyna doesn’t hesitate to start blowing him. This is more than a little strange. Chyna clearly made the point of establishing that she doesn’t like them and that she’s in control. There are also several “in-character” remarks during the scene, so they didn’t drop the narrative*. But she doesn’t “demand” to blow Vince or to have him fuck her. It’s like she just gives in.

(My favorite bit of dialogue is Stephanie asking Chyna if it feels good to fuck Vince after all the times Vince fucked her. The latter “fucked” meaning “screwed over”, of course. Chyna responds by… saying the exact same thing as if she just thought of it.)

Basically, the whole thing comes off like Chyna finally submitting to her long-held desire to fuck Vince and Stephanie. This seems especially true as Vince bends her over and starts doing her doggie style as Chyna alternates between kissing Stephanie and eating her out. Why is she doing this? She hates Stephanie. Why is she going down on her? At one point, Lisa Ann, who probably couldn’t care less about the whole control/revenge narrative Chyna tried to create, starts ordering Chyna to lick her pussy and get her off.

By the way, it probably goes without saying, but there is no interaction between Vince and Stephanie, thus preventing the somewhat fun possibility that Vince McMahon could own Vivid by tomorrow morning. Or whenever he stopped jacking off to the incest portion.

They repeat the same theme — Vince fucking Chyna while she and Stephanie exchange oral favors — in multiple positions. A threesome where two of the participants don’t touch tends to get old pretty fast, and this one is no exception. After 20 minutes of a scene that should have been half that long, it mercifully concludes with a pop on Chyna’s tits.

Part Two

Time for the gangbang. First, we meet Gene Oakerfunk (Tommy Pistol), a parody of Mean Gene Okerlund, who promotes the lineup for tonight’s big “FuckleMania” show. After openly referring to Vince and Stephanie McMahon by name, it escapes me why they had to use a goofy parody name for Mean Gene.

We meet the ring announcer, Valerie Kay, who is playing herself. She announces Bret “the Hitman” Hart, hesitating as she says his name as she’s clearly never heard of him or anyone else involved. Out comes… I think Justin Magnum, but looking nothing like Bret Hart. If anything, he looks more like John Morrison, a wrestler of today’s generation.

Mean Gene does commentary. He shits on Bret by saying it took him seven years to write an autobiography, which was a four page pop-up book. “Once he wrestled, then he didn’t, then he did. The end”.

Out next is the Iron Sheik (Marco Banderas), who poses and flexes. Gene calls him loud, obnoxious, and stupid.

Valerie announces “the man in the shorts, John Cena” (TJ Cummings). He wears camo and does the “U Can’t See Me” hand wave, making this easily the most realistic portrayal so far.

The Rock (Sledge Hammer) is out next, raising an eyebrow but doing little else that resembles The Rock. He’s followed by Steve Austin (Cyrus King), who Gene notes is skinnier than the last time he wrestled.

Out with no introduction is a clown (Ralph Long) who is supposed to be Doink according to Vivid’s press release. But they never call him that. Gene even says he doesn’t know who the clown is.

The last entrant is Triple H (Anthony Hardwood), with Gene reacting like he’s a surprise entry. Gene mentions that he’s Chyna’s ex, but nothing negative is said about him. After Bret and the Sheik, Gene’s insults pretty much disappeared.

Finally, Chyna appears while Gene raves about how hot she is. She gets in the ring, grinds on each guy in the most unappealing manner possible, then vamps for the camera. Gene is calling the clown Homie.

The guys all surround Chyna — actually, no, Triple H isn’t there. He wasn’t part of the grinding either. The guys start pulling Chyna’s clothes off and push her to her knees.

It starts off with a blowbang of sorts. If you like watching one blowjob while five guys stand around desperately trying to stay hard, this is the scene for you. Unfortunately, there’s no longer any commentary. Triple H finally reappears while Chyna is blowing the clown.

There’s several minutes of throat-fucking and tit-squeezing. Triple H grabs her head and fucks her face. So does the Sheik. The commentary is sorely missed. As it is, there’s nothing to hear but gagging, the sound of guys walking around the ring in a big empty room, and Chyna occasionally mumbling something while she has a dick in her mouth.

They pull her up to her feet. The Sheik fucks her from behind while she leans forward and blows Austin. She seems unsteady and the guys have to keep her from falling over. They abandon the standing experiment and she gets back on her knees to blow Cena. To keep from falling asleep, the rest of the crew eventually surrounds her and she quickly goes from dick to dick.

The clown lays flat on the mat and Chyna blows him while Bret fucks her. The clown swaps out with Cena, who swaps out with the Shiek. Chyna mumbles about being nasty like Janet Jackson. The guy fucking her, still Bret I think, has enough and pops on her face. Yes, it’s Bret, as the other wrestlers mock him for being the first to go. A cutaway to Gene at ringside confirms Bret has been “eliminated”.

If Chyna “defeats” a guy by getting him to cum, shouldn’t the guys try not to? Shouldn’t they fight it, like when a guy tries to reach the bottom ring rope to escape the figure four leglock? Then they could act like no matter how hard the guys fought not to cum, Chyna was just too good and made them shoot their loads. Hence, she wins. Right? This apparently escaped everyone on set.

After an edit, there’s a chair in the ring for Chyna to kneel on. Much as the first scene followed the same pattern over and over, it seems all we’re getting here is Chyna blowing someone while getting fucked from behind. At the moment we have Austin up front and Triple H behind. Just as I type that, they swap out for the clown and Cena.

After several minutes, they finally mix it up. Chyna rides reverse cowgirl on whoever is sitting in the chair, and she leans to the side to keep blowing guys. In some weird editing, it looks as though Cena stood her up and tried getting her leg over his shoulder, but she’s just not capable of standing. So she sits back down and rides reverse cowgirl some more, this time with Rock sitting on the chair underneath her. But after another quick edit, the chair vanishes.

Rock’s still on the bottom and most of the guys stand around slapping their dicks on her. “Now that’s a gangbang!” Gene declares in another cutaway. Chyna rides regular cowgirl for a while, then back to reverse. Suddenly, Mean Gene enters the ring and shoves his dick in her mouth. A run-in!

After about a minute of Gene fucking her face, they cut to Chyna lying on her side as the Sheik fucks her. Gene is nowhere to be seen. They briefly cut back to him at ringside as he gives a line about the Sheik drilling for oil. Then the Sheik gets up and Gene runs back in and starts fucking her. Chyna eventually slaps him and he disappears again.

Chyna lays flat on her back and the guys take turns fucking her while she mumbles incoherently. They cut back to Gene, who says Rock is more interested in Austin’s ass than he is in Chyna. So that’s two forced-in shots at The Rock and Steve Austin.

Meanwhile, not a single bad thing has been said about Triple H. And Lisa Ann is playing his wife. This movie just surpassed The Chaperone on his favorites list.

There’s also a Gene cutaway where he jokes that Rock can’t keep his dick hard, which he clearly can’t. What a weird thing to put in the movie. It’s like a wrestler performing his signature move and the announcer saying “Ah, that doesn’t really hurt”. They’re actually calling attention to how uninterested the guys are in Chyna.

In the middle of Rock and Triple H working on Chyna, a Gene cutaway tells us that Austin is just about done. Which is odd since he wasn’t anywhere near her. But sure enough they cut back to a shot of Austin popping on Chyna’s tits. The editing is just terrible.

Now it’s back to Rock fucking her, and the Sheik walks over and cums on her face. Three men down. Rock pulls out and does likewise. “The cooking is done,” Gene declares. With Rock still standing there, the clown runs in from off-screen and pops on her face.

We’re down to Cena and Triple H! You can cut the excitement with a knife! I’ve never understood that saying.

They immediately cut to Cena’s cumshot. Gene salutes him. Triple H follows suit by popping on her face as Gene reminds us that he’s her former lover. So Triple H was the last man standing. This is officially his favorite movie. Wait, here’s Gene, who gets in the ring and cums on her face too. So everyone’s eliminated and Chyna “wins”. They edit in a shot of all the guys laying on the mat as Chyna jumps around in celebration.

A painfully long 30 minutes of the most boring gangbang you’ll ever see.

Chyna Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chyna

Part Three

This Porn DVD scene has it all, Gene sends us backstage where Captain Lou Albano (Ron Jeremy) is making out with Valerie the ring announcer. Other than being fat, there’s no attempt at making Jeremy look like the Captain. Not a single rubber band is taped to his face.

He lowers the top of her dress, kisses her breasts, then lays her back on a table and goes down on her. After a minute or two, she rolls over to her stomach and he fingers her before trying to enter her from behind. But it seems like he can’t get hard, so he abandons trying to fuck her and goes back to eating her out. What a sad display this is. It’s like watching Ric Flair still trying to wrestle.

Valerie says she has to go, but that she has a friend for him. Ron refuses to admit defeat, however, and makes another attempt at fucking her. This one has more success. Valerie repeats that she has a friend for him, but probably realizing that he’ll go soft by the time someone else comes in, Ron flips her on her back and keeps fucking her.

It suddenly cuts back to the arena where Hulk Hogan (Evan Stone) is making his entrance. Mean Gene is orgasmic. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, PEOPLE? THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!” Evan Stone, who played Hulk previously in the Hogan Knows Best parody, does a great impression.

Next out is Ric Flair (Alex Sanders). Gene squeals with glee. Without all the posing and shirt-tearing, Flair’s entrance is much shorter. They both end up in the ring, slowly running around and bouncing off the ropes as Gene wonders where Chyna is.

Back to Ron. Chyna has appeared out of thin air with her face between Valerie’s legs. Ron takes his dick back out of his pants so Chyna can suck it. Valerie hops off the table and tries to escape, but Ron grabs her and pulls her in for a kiss. After a brief tongue-tangle, she finally manages to get away.

Ron has unbuttoned his shirt and his hideous belly button is now visible. It looks like a woman giving birth to a mass of tumors. Run for your life, Valerie.

Ron kneels down to make out with Chyna and frantically strokes his dick the entire time to try getting hard. So sad. When he’s finally ready, he stands back up so Chyna can resume blowing him. She makes like she’s deepthroating him, but she’s only getting about half of it since Ron’s holding the base of his dick. He leans down and fingers her, then has to start stroking again.

After an obvious edit, Ron appears to be fully hard while Chyna’s sucking him. He lays her back on the table, fingers her for a bit, and then starts fucking her. But once again he has to stop, kissing her while feverishly jerking himself. Why even put this scene in the movie? I know everyone has their kink, but is there really anyone alive who’s getting off on seeing Chyna and a fat, half-flaccid old man having sex?

He finally starts fucking her again. They stay in the same position, with Chyna on her back. Then in the highlight of the movie to this point, Ron starts his countdown and tells Chyna to start counting back from 20. Please enjoy the following transcript.

Chyna: Twenty… nineteen… ohhh! (Mumbles)teen?

Ron (like he’s correcting her): Eighteen.

Chyna: …twelve?

Ron: Seventeen!

There aren’t words. Chyna eventually remembers how to count and Ron pulls out at one to cum on her pussy. She drops down and sucks him, staring into the camera as she does. I haven’t mentioned it to this point, but Chyna stares into the camera rather frequently. It’s like she thinks she has to mug and make sexy faces at all times. It looks completely unnatural. I know she’s still new to this, but it just doesn’t work.

Chyna Porn Actress Photo
Porn Star: Chyna

Part Four

Back out to the arena, where Gene says Hogan and Flair have been running the ropes for ten minutes. Flair’s tights are halfway down to make his ass crack visible. Possibly the most realistic aspect of the movie yet.

Chyna comes out and as I believe they say in wrestling, she appears to be “in no condition to perform”. Have you seen the video of a fucked-up Scott “Razor Ramon” Hall being led to the ring? This feels similar.

Right on cue, she rolls under the bottom rope, then just keeps rolling over and over until she falls out the other side of the ring. Stone and Sanders stand there dumbfounded. Then Sanders gives a Flair “woooo”. Gold.

Here’s Gene on Chyna’s rolling.

Gene: What is this move? Very curious. Cut to two dicks in her mouth.

Sure enough, Chyna’s suddenly on her knees in the ring, blowing both guys. Gene does commentary this time, talking in a low golf announcer voice. After a few minutes of oral, they try to stand her up. But while she was merely unsteady during the gangbang, she’s now practically dead weight.

They finally get her feet flat on the mat, but her head is still pointed straight down like she’s touching her toes. Evan repeatedly tells her to stop sucking his cock as they try to get her into a simple “bent over” position. They’re successful and Sanders fucks her from behind as Evan slides his dick in and out of her mouth. She’s too messed up to blow him.

Evan stands her up mostly straight and starts kissing her. Sanders pulls out and gives a look like he’d rather be anywhere else. This isn’t a porn scene, it’s two guys trying their best to keep a train from going off the rails. Incidentally, the commentary from Gene stopped at some point along the way.

Chyna sinks back down to her knees, forcing Evan to drag her back up. He has to tell her to bend over. He’s coaching her like a wrestler calling out moves in the ring. In wrestling, Evan would be celebrated for being a great worker.

Chyna slumps back into the toe-touching position again as Sanders fucks her, so Evan has to lift her back into being bent-over. He just rubs his dick back and forth against her mouth, then holds it inside her mouth while she does nothing.

After an edit they finally have Chyna on her back while Sanders fucks her and Evan fucks her mouth. This way she doesn’t have to do anything but lay there. Evan starts getting back into character and then pins her arms down, saying “Lemme tell ya something, Chyna!” Chyna mumbles about having a conversation and then says “You never loved me”. I don’t know what that means, but at least she’s able to speak. That’s good to know.

They switch so that Evan is fucking her and Sanders is by her mouth. Evan drops some more Hulkster style verbiage and Flair woooos.

After an edit, Evan is now fucking her in the ass while she continues to lay on her back. He goes very slowly and Sanders stops altogether for a while as she gets used to it. Then they get going again. Evan fingers her pussy while he fucks her. After a few minutes, they switch again and now Flair’s doing the anal. It’s just the same thing dragging on and on, two guys fucking a girl who’s only capable of laying still.

Another edit and they’ve actually gotten Chyna up onto her knees. Hulk’s doing the anal again. After some close-ups of Chyna staring into the camera, and some close-ups of the anal, the guys switch again. Chyna starts blowing Evan and Sanders doesn’t even bother trying to fuck her.

Edit #3825. Chyna’s on her side and Hulk goes in her ass again. After a few minutes, she eventually ends up on her back once more. It’s just an endless loop of the same thing, one guy in her ass while the other sort-of gets a blowjob. They do a close-up of Chyna’s face with her head in Sanders’ lap and he’s not the slightest bit hard.

Stone starts giving her the anal harder. She’s clearly not used to it and does a lot of Lamaze style breathing. After that brief interlude, he’s back in her pussy. But he doesn’t stay for long and starts alternating back and forth between holes. Sanders isn’t even in the ring anymore.

After a few minutes of Evan going from hole to hole, Sanders suddenly hurries over and pops on Chyna’s face. They do a close-up of his face as he woooos like Flair. Then they show him laying on the mat like the guys after the gangbang.

Chyna tells Hulk to fuck her ass and that she’s going to cum. Then she declares that she’s cumming. If you say so.

Hulk’s still going from hole to hole. Then just as I suggested earlier, he starts saying Chyna can’t make him cum. Well, technically, she’s not. She’s just laying there. But… oh no… the Hulkster can’t hold it and he pops on her face.

After an extended shot of Chyna’s sticky face, they show a dark shot of her holding a championship belt while a strobe light flashes. I guess she wins. Chyna IS the queen of the ring!

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